What if I'm the only one who is excited about my pregnancy/baby/children?
Probably one of the more selfish "what ifs" but it is something I think about.
I always thought if I had a husband I would at least have one other person to share with me in the excitement of having a baby. But as a single woman I know I will have to lead the happiness parade all on my own.
Still, I would like my family and friends to be excited about me having a baby. I want them to ask me questions about my pregnancy, and eagerly plan a baby shower, and excitedly await the baby's arrival. I know I will be ecstatic and it would be nice if the others shared my enthusiasm. But...
I remember when my sister was pregnant with her third child (my parents' fourth grandchild), my mother admitted to me that she wasn't as excited about it like she was for the others. She thought it might be because it had been done three times already and there was nothing new about it.
I'll admit my heart sunk a little after hearing that. If she wasn't very excited about the fourth one how would she feel about the fifth or sixth?
I also wonder if anyone will offer to throw me a baby shower or will I have to commit a faux pas and invite people myself ?(I don't think I have the audacity to actually do that)
And how will my parents feel about another grandchild to babysit?(if/when I need them to) The last nine years of babysitting have taken a toll and my parents are only getting older. Sure, they'd be fine with it every once in a while, but what if I need them more?(oh no, more what ifs....)
Also, my parents bought a lot of baby accessories (crib, car seats, toys, etc) so they could babysit their grandkids and now that the youngest is almost three they are starting to get rid of some of it. I can't exactly beg them to keep it since I don't want them to know of my plan, yet I don't know how they'll react if they find out they need to buy it all again. (I would love to be able to buy it or provide it for them but I can't predict my financial situation that far ahead)
So, here's my contingency plan: I will pepper everyone with my enthusiasm and hope it catches on. And if no one plans me a shower then I will go out and buy myself some baby things, make a cake, put on a party hat and relax. It will be Baby Shower - Party of one (and a half!)
Friday, June 24, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Friends - What if Part 3
Sometime last year my friend K and I were talking about what we'd do if we never got husbands. To test the waters I jokingly threw out that I would go to the "special" bank and get myself knocked up. She replied that as long as I didn't go and sleep with some random guy that it would be okay.
I'm sure she was joking as well and has no idea that I would actually pursue the bank option but when the time comes I may just have to remind her of what she said.
So, of my friends:
EM and KK already have kids. EM will be supportive but she lives a few towns away. I suspect KK will be supportive but she could go either way depending on how inflluenced she is by her husband.
AH, P, and B like children but don't want any of their own. They will be amazed that I would choose to have a child by myself but will probably be supportive.
K will probably feel like I've betrayed the single girl's club...she'll eventually come around...I hope.
As for my guy friends, I have actually already mentioned my plans to the two I'm closest with. N expressed the wish that I don't give up so soon on finding a husband and PBJ is very indecisive about the subject. One minute he tells me I'm selfish, the next minute he's offering to be a male role model.
The more I think about it the less I feel as though my friends will reject me, but one thing I do know for sure - this will make me a subject of gossip among them. Sigh.
I'm sure she was joking as well and has no idea that I would actually pursue the bank option but when the time comes I may just have to remind her of what she said.
So, of my friends:
EM and KK already have kids. EM will be supportive but she lives a few towns away. I suspect KK will be supportive but she could go either way depending on how inflluenced she is by her husband.
AH, P, and B like children but don't want any of their own. They will be amazed that I would choose to have a child by myself but will probably be supportive.
K will probably feel like I've betrayed the single girl's club...she'll eventually come around...I hope.
As for my guy friends, I have actually already mentioned my plans to the two I'm closest with. N expressed the wish that I don't give up so soon on finding a husband and PBJ is very indecisive about the subject. One minute he tells me I'm selfish, the next minute he's offering to be a male role model.
The more I think about it the less I feel as though my friends will reject me, but one thing I do know for sure - this will make me a subject of gossip among them. Sigh.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Family Feud?? What if - Part 2
(First of all, thank you Shannon for your comment and suggestion, that is actually what I intend to do with the list! And thank you for your comment Selkie, I'll be getting back to that topic as I go down the list.)
So, over the next few posts I'd like to expand upon the "what ifs" I mentioned in the last post and perhaps I will be able to come to terms with them and what it will mean for my future.
First up: Family Acceptance
I am jealous of all the ladies whose families are so supportive and excited and hopeful for them. I wish mine would feel that way but I know they won't, at least not at first, which is why I've decided I won't be telling anyone in my family of my plans until I'm actually pregnant. Even then it probably won't be until the first trimester has passed. But I know exactly how I'll tell them when the time comes and here is how I think they will react:
My father: He will be confused. He doesn't wear his emotions for all to see but I expect he'll generally be supportive, though he probably won't give it much thought.
My mother: She is the linchpin and the "unknown quantity". She likes babies and she managed to weather my brother's "oops" pregnancy with his then girlfriend. If she reacts well then the rest of the family might follow suit but it is hard for me to tell exactly how she will react. She will probably wonder if I've thought of all the challenges and then she will point them out to me. She could also be the most supportive family member and is the one most likely to ask me questions.
My sister: She will be shocked and horrified that I would choose to have a baby with a stranger and at so young an age!! (Ironic considering she had her third and final child at 29 - but since I am the younger sister I never seem to grow up in her eyes) Anyway, I have no doubts about this reaction. Hopefully she will come around, but it might take a while.
My brother: Also a somewhat unknown quantity. He is likely to think it is all weird. He also has some strong opinions on fathers and their role in a child's life. I expect awkwardness to predominate.
My grandparents: My grandma is in her nineties and my grandpa will be ninety soon and the sad truth is they might not be around. But if they are I expect they will be grandly confused.
My Nieces and Nephews: Depending on what their parents share with them and how old they are at the time they are likely to be the most excited/indifferent. When I am 30 the oldest will be 12, the youngest will be 5.
The Family's reaction in general: It is very likely they won't even ask who the father is which kind of bothers me. They might just assume it's my friend PBJ (he is one of my good friends and not to be confused with PB&J which is of course a tasty sandwich!!). They will all likely tiptoe around the entire donor subject in my presence then discuss it more openly when I'm not around. My mother will surely be the designated question-asker who will then disseminate the information to the others as well as to the extended family. This also kind of bothers me as I would like them to ask their questions to my face.
But will I lose them over this? I don't think I will be disowned or cast out, but certain family members might not come around until there is a flesh-and-blood child present and/or they've had time to wrap their heads around the donor situation, which could take a while. So in the meantime I will try not to dwell on their imagined opinions.
So, over the next few posts I'd like to expand upon the "what ifs" I mentioned in the last post and perhaps I will be able to come to terms with them and what it will mean for my future.
First up: Family Acceptance
| You did what?!? (Image courtesy of Google Images) |
My father: He will be confused. He doesn't wear his emotions for all to see but I expect he'll generally be supportive, though he probably won't give it much thought.
My mother: She is the linchpin and the "unknown quantity". She likes babies and she managed to weather my brother's "oops" pregnancy with his then girlfriend. If she reacts well then the rest of the family might follow suit but it is hard for me to tell exactly how she will react. She will probably wonder if I've thought of all the challenges and then she will point them out to me. She could also be the most supportive family member and is the one most likely to ask me questions.
My sister: She will be shocked and horrified that I would choose to have a baby with a stranger and at so young an age!! (Ironic considering she had her third and final child at 29 - but since I am the younger sister I never seem to grow up in her eyes) Anyway, I have no doubts about this reaction. Hopefully she will come around, but it might take a while.
My brother: Also a somewhat unknown quantity. He is likely to think it is all weird. He also has some strong opinions on fathers and their role in a child's life. I expect awkwardness to predominate.
My grandparents: My grandma is in her nineties and my grandpa will be ninety soon and the sad truth is they might not be around. But if they are I expect they will be grandly confused.
My Nieces and Nephews: Depending on what their parents share with them and how old they are at the time they are likely to be the most excited/indifferent. When I am 30 the oldest will be 12, the youngest will be 5.
The Family's reaction in general: It is very likely they won't even ask who the father is which kind of bothers me. They might just assume it's my friend PBJ (he is one of my good friends and not to be confused with PB&J which is of course a tasty sandwich!!). They will all likely tiptoe around the entire donor subject in my presence then discuss it more openly when I'm not around. My mother will surely be the designated question-asker who will then disseminate the information to the others as well as to the extended family. This also kind of bothers me as I would like them to ask their questions to my face.
But will I lose them over this? I don't think I will be disowned or cast out, but certain family members might not come around until there is a flesh-and-blood child present and/or they've had time to wrap their heads around the donor situation, which could take a while. So in the meantime I will try not to dwell on their imagined opinions.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
What If?
I have a lot of issues to resolve (which I hope blogging will help with) before I can begin to introduce my eggs to some suitors, so I'll probably be taking the next few years posts to fret and worry and work through these issues because I want to be sure, absolutely sure, that I will be able to deal with the challenges of single motherhood, I owe it to my future children at the very least.
That being said....I am about 90% sure that if I am single at 30 then I will choose the choice mom path. I just can't imagine not pursuing something I've dreamed about for so long. But this leaves all my fears and doubts crammed into the 10% of uncertainty I still have. And these fears keep whirling through my head, popping up unexpected and unwanted but still there, waiting to be dealt with. So I am going to attempt to list most of the worries I have - many of which are similar to this list from a fellow blogger.
(Note: This and certain furture posts will probably be boring to anyone but me so feel free to skip, but if you had/have a similar situation or thought then feel free to share it.)
Worries:
That being said....I am about 90% sure that if I am single at 30 then I will choose the choice mom path. I just can't imagine not pursuing something I've dreamed about for so long. But this leaves all my fears and doubts crammed into the 10% of uncertainty I still have. And these fears keep whirling through my head, popping up unexpected and unwanted but still there, waiting to be dealt with. So I am going to attempt to list most of the worries I have - many of which are similar to this list from a fellow blogger.
(Note: This and certain furture posts will probably be boring to anyone but me so feel free to skip, but if you had/have a similar situation or thought then feel free to share it.)
Worries:
- What if I lose my family over this? What if I lose my friends?
- What if I'm the only one who is happy about my pregnancy/baby/children?
- What if I have multiples?
- What if my child resents not having a father?
- What if my child tells me "I hate you"?
- What will I do if I get overwhelmed?
- Will I really be able to afford single parenthood?
- What if I'm 30 and I'm still not in a home of my own?
- What if I deplete my savings on fertility treatments?
- What if I become resentful/envious because I missed out on Plan A?
- What if I never get to graduate school?
- What if I miss out on this dream too?
- What if I'm really bad at being a mother? What if I'm a boring and uncreative parent?
- What if I get really sick or die?
- What if my child has a major illness or dies?
- What if my child has special needs?
- What if someone hurts my child?
- What if my child hurts themselves?
- How will I handle sleep deprivation?
- What if I don't get much time for myself?
- What if I can't keep up with cooking and cleaning and chores?
- What if my child is bullied? What if my child is the bully?
- What if I'm too lenient in my discipline? What if I'm too harsh?
- What if I have kids who don't like each other?
- What if I don't like my kid's friends?
- What if I don't have much patience?
- What if I'm jealous of my child?
- What if I'm disappointed in my child?
- What if I'm not cut out to raise boys?
- What if I'm not cut out to raise girls?
- What if I'm spending too much time worrying and things will work out for the best?
Monday, June 13, 2011
Too Little, Too Late
Yesterday I quit the last dating site I had a profile on. I tell myself it's because I am too busy to keep up with it right now, and to some extent I am, but I know that's not my only excuse. No, the truth is I think I'm a little scared of dating again.
I've had some pretty bad first dates in the past with some boys who were less than nice when I didn't measure up to their expectations and I know their comments are still lurking in my mind eating away at my confidence.
Now whenever a guy mentions meeting up for coffee or some kind of date I go into panic mode and come up with excuses to delay it until I finally end up quiting the site.
I have no love for the dreaded first date, no excitement for the "getting to know you" phase. I just want to move on to being comfortable with each other. Do you think it's too much to ask for a relationship that starts in the middle instead of at the beginning?
In other news from the dating world I found out yesterday that one of my best guy friends has a girlfriend (sort of). They are currently in the previously mentioned "getting to know you" phase.
In the past whenever I thought about him getting a girlfriend I thought I'd be totally cool with it. Afterall I knew it was bound to happen sometime and he deserves it after four and a half years of loneliness.
So imagine my surprise when feelings other than happiness bubbled to the surface after he made his announcement. Don't get me wrong I am very happy for him, but I also feel sad. Sad in that possessive kind of way you get when you know he used to have a tiny crush on you, even though he was on the rebound at the time, and you just weren't sure if you were ready to potentially ruin a budding friendship. But I do wish him the best. Truly. Don't let the cute picture fool you.
I've had some pretty bad first dates in the past with some boys who were less than nice when I didn't measure up to their expectations and I know their comments are still lurking in my mind eating away at my confidence.
Now whenever a guy mentions meeting up for coffee or some kind of date I go into panic mode and come up with excuses to delay it until I finally end up quiting the site.
I have no love for the dreaded first date, no excitement for the "getting to know you" phase. I just want to move on to being comfortable with each other. Do you think it's too much to ask for a relationship that starts in the middle instead of at the beginning?
In other news from the dating world I found out yesterday that one of my best guy friends has a girlfriend (sort of). They are currently in the previously mentioned "getting to know you" phase.
In the past whenever I thought about him getting a girlfriend I thought I'd be totally cool with it. Afterall I knew it was bound to happen sometime and he deserves it after four and a half years of loneliness.
So imagine my surprise when feelings other than happiness bubbled to the surface after he made his announcement. Don't get me wrong I am very happy for him, but I also feel sad. Sad in that possessive kind of way you get when you know he used to have a tiny crush on you, even though he was on the rebound at the time, and you just weren't sure if you were ready to potentially ruin a budding friendship. But I do wish him the best. Truly. Don't let the cute picture fool you.
| Photo courtesy of Google Images |
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