Over the last few weeks, I've thought a lot about asking my crush out, and I find that I just can't do it. At least, not yet.
With the last guy I asked out, not only was the date a disaster, but there was an incident a few months later where the guy was a total dick to me. It really soured me on asking guys out. Add to that the fact that I've never made it beyond the first date with any guy I've asked out, and I've arrived at the point where I'm not sure if I'd be more upset if my crush said no, or if he said yes.
Also, it doesn't hurt that seeing him gives me something to look forward to every week and I don't want that taken away. However, I know that I could easily let this crush drag out ad infinitum. Therefore, I've given myself until July to either get with him or get over him. If things between the two of us are still unchanged by then, then I will go forward with the July cycle, regardless of my feelings for this guy.
As to sperm donors - the sperm bank ran a spring sale and out of the eight donors I had saved, only two have any vials left (and not many vials at that). One of the problems I've noticed with this sperm bank is that popular donors sell out extremely fast. Another problem is that there is not a huge selection of donors to begin with, then they must be narrowed down to CMV negative, etc. How can I narrow it down to my top three potential donors if they're all sold out?
It's starting to look like I may not get much choice in donor and will have to go with whoever is available when I'm ready to buy. I guess one upshot of waiting until July is the potential for new donors to become available or for old ones to come back in stock.
Regardless, I'd still like to talk about some of the potential donors here and maybe get some advice about which to choose. So, I guess this will extend to a Part 3 sometime soon.
Monday, May 28, 2018
Sunday, May 6, 2018
In Search of a Few Good Men, Part 1
How, exactly, does one pick a donor?
The options are so many and so few.
For the first few cycles, at least, I will be doing at-home ICI, basically the turkey baster method, which narrows my choices for sperm banks.
In fact, I'm none too excited that the best sperm bank choice does it's recruiting practically in my own backyard. It just feels a little weird, if that makes sense.
On the flipside, there's the possibility of going with a known donor. There's at least one website full of people from all over the world willing to donate or co-parent. I took a tour around the site and found a few guys in my city and state but I wasn't overly excited by any of them. When I searched internationally I did find a few guys whose profiles I felt a connection with, especially one guy from the UK. However, there's a big ocean-sized problem standing in the way of that option.
Then there are the guys that I already know. Unfortunately, most of my closest male friends are married and, even if they weren't, I wouldn't feel comfortable asking any of them.
There is one male acquaintance of mine that I would love to ask. He's handsome, friendly, and nice. He's unmarried and only about a year older than me. There's only three major problems: (1) I don't know him well enough to judge how he would react to a question like that. (2) I only see him once a week through work, as he lives in another town. (3) I think a major reason I'd want to ask him to be a donor is because I'd actually like to date him. Which brings me to the crux of my current problem.
Should I pursue this guy as a potential date? Stick to my TTC plan using a sperm bank donor? Do both? Should I go totally crazy and ask him if he'd donate?
Having passed my most recent birthday, my biological clock is ticking that much louder and I'd really hate to waste precious months hoping to get together with this guy. But what if he is interested in dating? What if I only find out he's interested after I'm already pregnant? Somehow, I think being pregnant with someone else's child just about precludes the possibility of dating. This isn't some J-Lo movie where life works out all peachy.
Then again, there's no guarantee I'll get pregnant right away. Also, he might not be interested in me at all.
I suppose I could always force the issue by asking him out, but I feel that is the nuclear option. The last time I asked a guy out he was too "polite" (i.e. immature) to say no and the date was a total disaster because he wasn't actually interested in me and, therefore, made absolutely no effort during the date. I vowed, after that, that I would never ask a guy out again.
Anyway, forgetting that problem for the moment, I picked out a few potential donors from the sperm bank. Perhaps you could help me narrow them down next time?
The options are so many and so few.
For the first few cycles, at least, I will be doing at-home ICI, basically the turkey baster method, which narrows my choices for sperm banks.
In fact, I'm none too excited that the best sperm bank choice does it's recruiting practically in my own backyard. It just feels a little weird, if that makes sense.
On the flipside, there's the possibility of going with a known donor. There's at least one website full of people from all over the world willing to donate or co-parent. I took a tour around the site and found a few guys in my city and state but I wasn't overly excited by any of them. When I searched internationally I did find a few guys whose profiles I felt a connection with, especially one guy from the UK. However, there's a big ocean-sized problem standing in the way of that option.
Then there are the guys that I already know. Unfortunately, most of my closest male friends are married and, even if they weren't, I wouldn't feel comfortable asking any of them.
There is one male acquaintance of mine that I would love to ask. He's handsome, friendly, and nice. He's unmarried and only about a year older than me. There's only three major problems: (1) I don't know him well enough to judge how he would react to a question like that. (2) I only see him once a week through work, as he lives in another town. (3) I think a major reason I'd want to ask him to be a donor is because I'd actually like to date him. Which brings me to the crux of my current problem.
Should I pursue this guy as a potential date? Stick to my TTC plan using a sperm bank donor? Do both? Should I go totally crazy and ask him if he'd donate?
Having passed my most recent birthday, my biological clock is ticking that much louder and I'd really hate to waste precious months hoping to get together with this guy. But what if he is interested in dating? What if I only find out he's interested after I'm already pregnant? Somehow, I think being pregnant with someone else's child just about precludes the possibility of dating. This isn't some J-Lo movie where life works out all peachy.
Then again, there's no guarantee I'll get pregnant right away. Also, he might not be interested in me at all.
I suppose I could always force the issue by asking him out, but I feel that is the nuclear option. The last time I asked a guy out he was too "polite" (i.e. immature) to say no and the date was a total disaster because he wasn't actually interested in me and, therefore, made absolutely no effort during the date. I vowed, after that, that I would never ask a guy out again.
Anyway, forgetting that problem for the moment, I picked out a few potential donors from the sperm bank. Perhaps you could help me narrow them down next time?
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