A Series of Unfortunate Decisions

On Monday I quit my job. But let me back up a bit.

Last Wednesday my supervisor pulled me aside. She was concerned I wasn't getting the hang of the phones as fast as the other newbies. She asked if there was anything she or anyone could do to help. She implied if I didn't improve in a timely manner they might have to let me go. She asked me to think about things.

On Thursday we met again. She said they were willing to continue having someone sit with me for a while. She said she believed I could do it. I, however, couldn't get what she said on Wednesday out of my head. The damage was done to my already shaky confidence.

I powered through Friday as best I could but by the end of the day my mind was pretty well made up.

Over the weekend I should have thought about things more. I should have done my research into the local job market. I should have researched bookkeeping jobs more, especially what is offered around my state. I should have gone back through my earlier graduate school research again (as this seems to be what my mind naturally reverts back to). I should have thought more about what the job offered. I should have truly sat down and tried to learn what I'd been taught. I should have started the computer program instruction book I thought of on Sunday. Instead I watched t.v. and worked on my scrapbook. I did anything to keep the job out of my mind.

On Monday I quit.

Since then I have researched the job market. I have researched the potential of bookkeeping and graduate school (again). And I don't like what I see. 

I drove around to three businesses to give them resumes and drove past without stopping. I sent in an online application for a part-time job. I sent in an application for a temp agency. I'm supposed to mail in another resume tomorrow and visit another temp agency. But the market is dead here and all I can think about is how most of the jobs offered are $4.00 less than what I was just making, and most are part-time without benefits. Nothing feels right.

The job I worked right before the new one has hired someone else and really can't afford to hire me back, even at the low wage I had there.

I have half a mind to call up my supervisor and ask her to give me another chance. It's not like I have anything to lose, right? I know I could grit my teeth and bear it this time.

I remember at my old job how I dreamed of having some extended time off to get some major projects done. Just a few weeks or months dedicated to checking things off my long list of things to do. Now I am faced with all the time in the world to get these things done and I can't bring myself to do them. It feels like cheating to take advantage of this time off.

Be careful what you wish for...it just might come true.

My Life Feels Like a Cosmic Joke, Part One - Duped

I don't like my new job. At all.

Turns out the job I was offered (in the department I thought would be better suited to my personality) is really just a different, and possibly worse, version of the job I had pretty much made up my mind to turn down.

Years ago, when I started the search for a new job, I made a list of the things I wanted in my next job. One of the top things I wanted was little to no phone work. I can't emphasize enough how much I hate talking on the phone, especially to strangers. So guess what has comprised 99% of my job so far? Phone work. And no one will even tell me if that will continue to be the meat of my job or not. (And just so we're clear, there was some phone work mentioned in the description for the job I originally applied for, but nothing that indicated it would comprise this much of the job, especially as my job is supposedly in a different department.)

Add to that a slew of complicated computer programs (not to mention a whole book of laws, rules, and regulations) I've had to learn in less than two weeks. Plus the confusing customer questions, and the irate, frustrated customers.

Also, my cubicle is about as far from the supervisors as you can get. Normally that would be fine with me but I need to run to them with questions every five minutes. And my cube mate constantly bumps my chair no matter how far I have scooted my chair in. Oh, and I have to get up and go down a long hallway to even see a window. Not great for someone who suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Ugh, there is so much more I would mention but I hesitate to say it, even in vague terms. Heck, I'm a little bit nervous about what I've already mentioned because the company has a lengthy blogging policy and although I'm fairly sure they can't connect me with this blog, or indeed connect what I would say with the company, I'm not going to chance saying more. And I'm certainly not going anywhere near this blog on a work computer. Did I mention they have software that searches the internet looking for keywords in private blogs? (FYI, I might take this post off sometime in the future depending on how things turn out - in case you're wondering why it disappeared).

It seems like school is my best option now to get a job that I will be satisfied with, but school doesn't start until August, which is so very far away. I should have stayed with my old job. At least I would have had the flexibility to work mostly full-time and go to school at the same time. But I can't go back to my old job now because it is being given to someone else.

But if I quit the new job, without securing another job first, I will have a black mark on my resume. Also, it seems like employers only want to hire someone who is already employed. Not to mention I wouldn't have an income, which means I would be hemorrhaging money while I went to school and then searched for a new job.

But if I don't quit, I just might have a nervous breakdown, or a coronary, or something equally unpleasant.

I've never less looked forward to a Monday.