Well, AF finally showed up yesterday at CD 40. Showing up late seems to be her pattern this year and it worries me. Two other cycles since January have been 40 and 43 days long.
I've had erratic cycles since I first started getting AF and this year I finally decided to speak with my doctor about it at my annual appointment. I even typed up a little sheet showing my cycle lengths since 2007 when I started keeping track. She glanced at my sheet, told me that cycles between 21 and 35 days are normal, mentioned that if my cycles continue to lengthen that I should let her know, and as an aside she casually threw in that it might take me longer to get pregnant because I might not be ovulating every cycle. And then she proceeded with my regular exam. Huh. She even handed back the copy of my cycles I had made her.
I guess I wasn't sure what I expected her to do. Perhaps I need to be a better advocate for my health and demand testing, or maybe I'm overreacting. She did mention that stress can be a factor in cycle lengths and I have been under a lot of stress. This could also explain why AF has shown up just in time for my last four vacations. (How does she do that?) But stress doesn't explain why my cycles have always been wonky. Why they seem to be lengthening this year. Why 22 of the last 54 cycles have fallen outside the 21-to-35-day range. For example here are my cycle lengths for 2009: 22, 39, 38, 22, 20, 33, 22, 27, 36, 44, 36, 44. See what I mean by wonky?
So what does it all mean?
Do I have PCOS? (I have some symptoms, but not all). Do I have some other hormonal problem? Or am I just extremely sensitive to stress? And most of all, should I get my hormones tested now or wait to have them tested until I'm actually trying to get pregnant?
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Quantum Questions
Do you believe in fate or chance? I really can’t decide, but the more I think about the Choice Mom path the more I come up with unanswerable questions, such as:
- What if I begin trying to have a baby after I turn 30 and I miss out on meeting Mr. Right?
- What if I would have met him but he passes me by because I’m pregnant, or have a kid?
- What if I decide to delay trying for a baby so instead of going to a doctor’s appointment I go to, let’s say a grocery store, and there I meet The One?
- Or what if I wait 10+ years for him to get his white-horse-riding, shining-armor-wearing butt over here and he doesn’t show, and it’s too late?
- What if I wait 10 years, and then I meet him, and it’s still too late?
- What if I don’t meet him until I’m 50?....Or 60?....Or older?
- What if I never meet him?
- What if I already lost my chance with the one that would have been The One?
- What if no man was created to be my other half?
But what if every step I take is the one I’m meant to take? What if being a Choice mom is what I'm truely meant to be, whether some guy comes along later or not?
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Meet my Furbaby!
Her name is Gypsy. She is 17. I've had her since I was 10. She is really more of a deep chocolate brown color. She is a princess. She hates having her photo taken. And I couldn't ask for a better furbaby!
Saturday, May 14, 2011
The New Plan
I have to start off by saying that if my thoughts seem a bit jumbled, it's because they are. I'm just trying to work out what it's like to be a brand-spankin' new blogger. So exciting, yet oddly intimidating at the same time!
As for the new plan, let's start at the very beginning.........
I have always known that I wanted to be a mother. That some day I would like to have a baby or two (or five!). In my baby book my mother has recorded what I said when I came home from my first day of kindergarten. When I strolled through the door my mother asked, "How was it?" to which I replied "It was okay, but I'd rather have a baby." True story. I can still remember saying that.
The yearning to be a mother has never left me. I played with dolls all throughout my childhood, even into the years when most girls started putting away their dolls in favor of make-up and other "grown-up" things. Though I eventually put away the dolls (I believe they are still tucked away in storage), the desire only got worse when I hit puberty, and worse still when girls in my high school got pregnant. (For the record I never wanted to be a teenage mother, but I was still oh so jealous of their bellies and their babies, though definitely not jealous of the reputations they earned, deserved or not).
Then came the nephews and nieces and my desires and hopes grew along with some worries and fears (which I'm sure I will cover in great length at a later date).
So, where was I? Oh yes, The New Plan.
The end of that last crush ushered in my new "relaxed" attitude about dating. As in I will no longer do the asking, instead I will wait to be asked. And I won't even mention how many times I have (not) been asked in the last two years. But this new attitude has had the odd effect of making me feel so much better about myself. I feel like I know myself more. Instead of spending my time chasing and pining after guys I barely know I've been doing things I always wanted to do. I feel happier than I have since my sweet 16!
That's not to say I wouldn't welcome a man of the potential-husband variety. So now we (finally) come to the Plan:
As for the new plan, let's start at the very beginning.........
I have always known that I wanted to be a mother. That some day I would like to have a baby or two (or five!). In my baby book my mother has recorded what I said when I came home from my first day of kindergarten. When I strolled through the door my mother asked, "How was it?" to which I replied "It was okay, but I'd rather have a baby." True story. I can still remember saying that.
The yearning to be a mother has never left me. I played with dolls all throughout my childhood, even into the years when most girls started putting away their dolls in favor of make-up and other "grown-up" things. Though I eventually put away the dolls (I believe they are still tucked away in storage), the desire only got worse when I hit puberty, and worse still when girls in my high school got pregnant. (For the record I never wanted to be a teenage mother, but I was still oh so jealous of their bellies and their babies, though definitely not jealous of the reputations they earned, deserved or not).
Then came the nephews and nieces and my desires and hopes grew along with some worries and fears (which I'm sure I will cover in great length at a later date).
So, where was I? Oh yes, The New Plan.
The end of that last crush ushered in my new "relaxed" attitude about dating. As in I will no longer do the asking, instead I will wait to be asked. And I won't even mention how many times I have (not) been asked in the last two years. But this new attitude has had the odd effect of making me feel so much better about myself. I feel like I know myself more. Instead of spending my time chasing and pining after guys I barely know I've been doing things I always wanted to do. I feel happier than I have since my sweet 16!
That's not to say I wouldn't welcome a man of the potential-husband variety. So now we (finally) come to the Plan:
- I will try to maintain an active profile on dating websites, and I will keep an open mind toward potential suitors
- I will continue to save up for a house
- I will keep looking for a newer, better paying job (both for babies and for said house, and for my own sanity)
- and I will try to work through and plan for the potential pitfalls of becoming an SMC
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
The Original Plan
The year I turned 16 was the year my sister got married. It was during this time that I came up with my ideal marriage timeline.
First I would meet the man of my dreams, then after at least one year of blissful dating he would get down on one knee and propose. Planning the wedding would, of course, take about a year (or longer if my mother had a say), and then we would be husband and wife. After two years of marriage and travel and enjoying each other's company we would start a family and live happily ever after.
That was The Timeline, The Plan, the Cinderella fairytale that stuck with me for the next nine years.....
Fast forward to the age of twenty-five. After many dating failures I found myself falling hard and fast for a nice guy who worked at a local store. Weary after my latest failure I told myself this guy would be the last of the Red-Hot Crushes. The last of the guys I would play hunter for...
So when the newspaper advertised auditions for a movie he was making I jumped at the chance and tried out. Surely he would notice me now!! Well, I got a part, a small one, and I enjoyed every minute of it. It was great just to be around him, even though he was busy and had little time to talk. And then I went on Face.book. And I friended him. And I found out....he had a girlfriend, a girlfriend of three years!
It was at this point I realized, rather pathetically, that this was not the first time I had found myself crushing on, and blindly pursuing a guy who already had a girlfriend, even if I hadn't been aware of her. Which then led to the inevitable questions:
Where is MY guy? The one NOT already taken. The one who was made just for me?!
I've never been able to answer those questions but they got me thinking. And two years (and no more Red-Hot Crushes) later I've come up with a New Plan.
First I would meet the man of my dreams, then after at least one year of blissful dating he would get down on one knee and propose. Planning the wedding would, of course, take about a year (or longer if my mother had a say), and then we would be husband and wife. After two years of marriage and travel and enjoying each other's company we would start a family and live happily ever after.
That was The Timeline, The Plan, the Cinderella fairytale that stuck with me for the next nine years.....
Fast forward to the age of twenty-five. After many dating failures I found myself falling hard and fast for a nice guy who worked at a local store. Weary after my latest failure I told myself this guy would be the last of the Red-Hot Crushes. The last of the guys I would play hunter for...
So when the newspaper advertised auditions for a movie he was making I jumped at the chance and tried out. Surely he would notice me now!! Well, I got a part, a small one, and I enjoyed every minute of it. It was great just to be around him, even though he was busy and had little time to talk. And then I went on Face.book. And I friended him. And I found out....he had a girlfriend, a girlfriend of three years!
It was at this point I realized, rather pathetically, that this was not the first time I had found myself crushing on, and blindly pursuing a guy who already had a girlfriend, even if I hadn't been aware of her. Which then led to the inevitable questions:
Where is MY guy? The one NOT already taken. The one who was made just for me?!
I've never been able to answer those questions but they got me thinking. And two years (and no more Red-Hot Crushes) later I've come up with a New Plan.
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