Adventure-itis

No deep thoughts this week, though I have been feeling a little less numb. Mostly I've been dreaming about the graduation vacation I talked about a while ago.
There's a road trip I've been fantasizing about for several years and I'm thinking once I start working full-time again I won't have enough time to do it justice until I hit retirement - and who knows how my life will be then.
Still, it's a big trip to take on and I'm not sure if any of my friends are crazy enough to join me, but at least it's fun to think about.

Numb and a Bit Hedonistic

Honestly that's how I've been feeling lately. And it's not a new feeling.

I'm pretty sure the numbness gradually started around my 30th birthday and only after my recent pity party accelerated to the point it is now.

Babies, houses, marriage, jobs. I just feel numb when I think about them. All these are the "carrots" that have been dangling in front of me my whole life and which I've faithfully plodded after. And they've always been just out of reach.
And now it feels as though I don't even see the carrots anymore. Perhaps this is to save myself the heartache of wanting them when they are still so far out of my grasp.

Because I know that somewhere inside me I still want them badly and I will continue to puzzle out what could be the best living and working situation for when I'm done with school, but I've just lost the ability to think of my dreams as tangible goals. Better not to think of them at all.

Enter the hedonism. The pleasures of the here and now. Good food, books, television, movies, music. Anything to escape into and distract my mind from the future.

Childcare

It's really great to hear what systems work best for others while raising kids, whether staying near family or not having family close by. I just wish I knew what would work best for me. Not for the first time do I wish I had a crystal ball that would show me how things would turn out should I make one decision or the other.

One thing I am sure on is that at some point after having a kid I will need some form of childcare. Honestly, the only people I think I would truly trust to care for my child on a regular basis are myself and my parents. It's not that I don't believe that there are fantastic nannies and daycare centers out there, it is just part of my personality that I will always end up worrying about what could go wrong if I have to leave something so precious in the hands of someone I barely know.

My hangups about childcare would seem to be a pro for staying near my parents but I know I'll have to get some other form of childcare for part of the time anyway, because while I know they enjoy babysitting my nieces and nephews, I also know they enjoy having days in between to do their own thing.

So, if I need childcare for a few days a week anyway, is it really that much of a stretch to get childcare for five days a week, so long as I could find a place or a person I trust?

My other issue with childcare is a far future one - what do working parents do with school-age children who are too old for daycare but too young to be home by themselves for a few hours after school? I guess there are after-school programs, or babysitters, or maybe work would be flexible but what about during the summer?

The Right Combination

From reading several SMC blogs I realize that different living/working/baby-raising situations work for different people. Currently I am trying to pre-plan what would work best for me - which, I realize, is a bit ridiculous considering I have no idea how things will turn out.

But, in less than a year I will have to decide where to search for a job. And though my current chosen major is needed anywhere that people have businesses I am going to take a wild guess and say that some places pay more than others. Also, despite being a widely utilized profession the job pickings are still pretty thin in my town. Thin to nonexistent sometimes (and that's generously not accounting for the years of experience and degree level requested by most job ads).

So, the question has become, do I stay in my small town near family who would be my village but risk not getting paid enough to begin TTC in time? Or do I move away for a job that might support life as a single parent but will mean I am far from friends and family, with few options to turn to in an emergency?

I have more thoughts on this subject, which I think I will go into later - there are just so many pros and cons to each option. However, I would really love to hear the opinions of any SMC who is thinking, trying, becoming, or being. What are the pros and cons of your living/working/baby-raising situation?

Summer the Second

I finally quit my gym membership. They require a 30-day notice so technically I will still be a member through the first week of September. Maybe I'll get to go swim a few more times between now and then! Otherwise I guess it's time to try the at-home workouts I've found online or pulled out of magazines.

In other news I'm anxiously awaiting my final grade for the summer class I took. I know I messed up one part of the final test but I'm hoping I did okay on the final project. Overall I'm hoping for at least a B in the class.

And with class being over I am officially off for a few weeks! It is so nice that the only projects I have to worry about right now are ones that have nothing to do with school and everything to do with the hobbies I enjoy!