Honestly that's how I've been feeling lately. And it's not a new feeling.
I'm pretty sure the numbness gradually started around my 30th birthday and only after my recent pity party accelerated to the point it is now.
Babies, houses, marriage, jobs. I just feel numb when I think about them. All these are the "carrots" that have been dangling in front of me my whole life and which I've faithfully plodded after. And they've always been just out of reach.
And now it feels as though I don't even see the carrots anymore. Perhaps this is to save myself the heartache of wanting them when they are still so far out of my grasp.
Because I know that somewhere inside me I still want them badly and I will continue to puzzle out what could be the best living and working situation for when I'm done with school, but I've just lost the ability to think of my dreams as tangible goals. Better not to think of them at all.
Enter the hedonism. The pleasures of the here and now. Good food, books, television, movies, music. Anything to escape into and distract my mind from the future.
I'm sorry you are feeling like this, I remember it all too well. Give yourself time to accomplish your current goal (school), and then focus on the next step.
ReplyDeleteIt isn't bad either to give yourself a break. Sometimes after my breaks I feel a little better and more ready to get back on track. I agree with Ali. Focus on one step at a time. It is a lot easier to say than to actually do. I struggle with that also. Sometimes I am so focused on the bigger stuff that I can't see the steps involved.
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