In Search of a Few Good Men, Part 2

Over the last few weeks, I've thought a lot about asking my crush out, and I find that I just can't do it. At least, not yet.

With the last guy I asked out, not only was the date a disaster, but there was an incident a few months later where the guy was a total dick to me. It really soured me on asking guys out. Add to that the fact that I've never made it beyond the first date with any guy I've asked out, and I've arrived at the point where I'm not sure if I'd be more upset if my crush said no, or if he said yes.

Also, it doesn't hurt that seeing him gives me something to look forward to every week and I don't want that taken away. However, I know that I could easily let this crush drag out ad infinitum. Therefore, I've given myself until July to either get with him or get over him. If things between the two of us are still unchanged by then, then I will go forward with the July cycle, regardless of my feelings for this guy.

As to sperm donors - the sperm bank ran a spring sale and out of the eight donors I had saved, only two have any vials left (and not many vials at that). One of the problems I've noticed with this sperm bank is that popular donors sell out extremely fast. Another problem is that there is not a huge selection of donors to begin with, then they must be narrowed down to CMV negative, etc. How can I narrow it down to my top three potential donors if they're all sold out?

It's starting to look like I may not get much choice in donor and will have to go with whoever is available when I'm ready to buy. I guess one upshot of waiting until July is the potential for new donors to become available or for old ones to come back in stock.

Regardless, I'd still like to talk about some of the potential donors here and maybe get some advice about which to choose. So, I guess this will extend to a Part 3 sometime soon.

In Search of a Few Good Men, Part 1

How, exactly, does one pick a donor?

The options are so many and so few.

For the first few cycles, at least, I will be doing at-home ICI, basically the turkey baster method, which narrows my choices for sperm banks.
In fact, I'm none too excited that the best sperm bank choice does it's recruiting practically in my own backyard. It just feels a little weird, if that makes sense.

On the flipside, there's the possibility of going with a known donor. There's at least one website full of people from all over the world willing to donate or co-parent. I took a tour around the site and found a few guys in my city and state but I wasn't overly excited by any of them. When I searched internationally I did find a few guys whose profiles I felt a connection with, especially one guy from the UK. However, there's a big ocean-sized problem standing in the way of that option.

Then there are the guys that I already know. Unfortunately, most of my closest male friends are married and, even if they weren't, I wouldn't feel comfortable asking any of them.

There is one male acquaintance of mine that I would love to ask. He's handsome, friendly, and nice. He's unmarried and only about a year older than me. There's only three major problems: (1) I don't know him well enough to judge how he would react to a question like that. (2) I only see him once a week through work, as he lives in another town. (3) I think a major reason I'd want to ask him to be a donor is because I'd actually like to date him. Which brings me to the crux of my current problem. 

Should I pursue this guy as a potential date? Stick to my TTC plan using a sperm bank donor? Do both? Should I go totally crazy and ask him if he'd donate?

Having passed my most recent birthday, my biological clock is ticking that much louder and I'd really hate to waste precious months hoping to get together with this guy. But what if he is interested in dating? What if I only find out he's interested after I'm already pregnant? Somehow, I think being pregnant with someone else's child just about precludes the possibility of dating. This isn't some J-Lo movie where life works out all peachy.
Then again, there's no guarantee I'll get pregnant right away. Also, he might not be interested in me at all.
 I suppose I could always force the issue by asking him out, but I feel that is the nuclear option. The last time I asked a guy out he was too "polite" (i.e. immature) to say no and the date was a total disaster because he wasn't actually interested in me and, therefore, made absolutely no effort during the date. I vowed, after that, that I would never ask a guy out again.

Anyway, forgetting that problem for the moment, I picked out a few potential donors from the sperm bank. Perhaps you could help me narrow them down next time?

Updated . . . Sort of

Well, they wouldn't give me the MMR booster. Since I've had two doses in the past, they say it's not recommended at this time. After having done a little more research, I am okay with this. Hopefully I am still protected from my previous immunizations. However, they did give me a TDaP booster, which I was probably due for anyway (though it sounds like I'll get the same shot again, should I get pregnant).

Since I didn't get the MMR, I guess this means May TTC is back on.

It also means I have one final task to complete before I'm ready for TTC. This is the most important part. The task that makes me a little panicky just thinking about it.....

It's time to pick a donor.

*cue hyperventilation*

Getting Updated

In doing more TTC research I have discovered that I should probably get boosters for some vaccines, as many of them do not give lifelong immunity as was previously thought. It is rather unfortunate that some of these diseases also seem to be undergoing a resurgence.

The good news is, most of the boosters can be done during pregnancy because they don't contain live viruses. There is one exception - the MMR vaccine. This is perhaps the most important booster as these diseases are quite dangerous to catch if you're pregnant because they can cause miscarriage or birth defects. The downside is, getting this vaccine means waiting at least four weeks before attempting TTC (which is actually slightly better than the old recommendation of waiting three months!).

At my age, there is a possibility that my immunity has worn off, so I have two choices. Get my titers checked or get a booster.

There is a vaccine/booster clinic being put on by the local hospital this coming week and I was thinking of going to that. Of course, it just happens to land on my birthday (because who doesn't want to get shots on their birthday, right?). However, it's taking place close to where I work and best of all, it's free!

The bad news is, I expect to ovulate sometime around May 12th (though if my last cycle is anything to go by, that could get pushed back) but I won't be done with the four-week waiting period until late May. Too late for May TTC.

I could just cry thinking about having to wait until June to start. I've already waited so long. My only comfort is that I know how worried and paranoid I'd be if I got pregnant and didn't have the MMR updated. It's bad enough that I will already be worrying about toxoplasmosis (love ya work kitties, just not your possible diseases!) and mold in my home (more on this frustrating home renovation problem later).

OPK Test Run - Oh What a Difference a Day Makes

When my cycle started over in March I only vaguely thought about it being the last cycle before TTC. I had already been temping/charting for years and paying attention to EWCM, etc. but I was saving OPKs for closer to "go time". A few days after AF was done, I was researching TTC and how to prepare. One website said it was best to test your cycle with OPKs for three cycles before TTC. Oh crap! I only had one cycle to test and, because AF was already done, it seemed like it was too late to order cheapies online, so I ran out and bought some mid-price ones. They came 10 to a pack with one bonus pregnancy test. Ten would be enough, right?

Through my charting I noticed my cycle had calmed to a somewhat consistent 34 day cycle, with ovulation happening on average between CD21-23. According the the instruction pamphlet that came with the OPKs, I should start testing on CD17, and I should expect to get a second line as dark or darker than the control line on CD19 if I expected to ovulate on CD21. The test also said to use FMU to test with.

• CD 17: Tested once in the morning. A light second line but not close to the color of the control line.
• CD18: Morning test didn't work. TMI, but I don't think I held it in the stream long enough. I grabbed another test and took that to use during my lunch break at work. Another light second line.
• CD19: Two tests, one in the morning, one in the afternoon. The morning one was light and the afternoon one seemed light too, but then darkened to almost the same color as the control line a few minutes after the window of time in which you are supposed to read the test. 
• CD20-24: I continued testing, sometimes twice a day, sometimes once a day, as I was afraid of running out of tests. I even reused the CD18 test that hadn't worked originally and it actually worked the second time. During these days my second line never seemed to get dark enough within the timeframe in which the test should be read. By CD20 I ordered some cheapies and I ran out of the mid-price tests on CD24.
• CD26: Cheapies arrived! (So I missed CD25). Inconclusive but still negative.
• CD27: Total failure (see picture). I have no idea what went wrong.
• CD28: Didn't test
• CD29: Clear positive!!!

This entire time I had been getting very little fertile CM and no EWCM. Predictably, I started getting EWCM on CD25 when I didn't have a test.

I did some googling and learned that the body can gear up to ovulate, not ovulate, then later gear up again. This can give you lines that get progressively darker, then lighter, then darker again. I think that's what happened to me.

I should have taken pictures of the tests closer to when they were used. You can't tell in the photo but all of CD17-19 had second lines and the CD19PM one actually had a dark, though not quite positive, second line.

CD17-19

CD20-24

You can see that CD20 still shows a fairly dark second line, then it gets lighter until CD24 when it gets dark again. Unfortunately none of these lines were nearly this dark within the testing window.

CD26 & 27

As you can see in this one, there appears to be three lines in the upper test. I believe the first purple "line" is just where the plastic part actually ends, the middle line is the test line, and hiding among the streaking is the control line. This test was taken in the afternoon of CD26. As you can see the test for CD27 really didn't work at all.

CD29

 Finally a clear positive! At least I know the cheap tests do work. Also, according to my temp chart, I ovulated the next day which makes me wonder if I would have gotten a positive had I tested on CD28, since it's supposed to measure the surge about 48 hours prior to ovulation.

This cycle has been far longer than any I've had recently (though I've had longer in the past). I wonder if it had anything to do with nerves over trying OPKs for the first time, or stress over upcoming TTC? Maybe it was just a fluke?