How, exactly, does one pick a donor?
The options are so many and so few.
For the first few cycles, at least, I will be doing at-home ICI, basically the turkey baster method, which narrows my choices for sperm banks.
In fact, I'm none too excited that the best sperm bank choice does it's recruiting practically in my own backyard. It just feels a little weird, if that makes sense.
On the flipside, there's the possibility of going with a known donor. There's at least one website full of people from all over the world willing to donate or co-parent. I took a tour around the site and found a few guys in my city and state but I wasn't overly excited by any of them. When I searched internationally I did find a few guys whose profiles I felt a connection with, especially one guy from the UK. However, there's a big ocean-sized problem standing in the way of that option.
Then there are the guys that I already know. Unfortunately, most of my closest male friends are married and, even if they weren't, I wouldn't feel comfortable asking any of them.
There is one male acquaintance of mine that I would love to ask. He's handsome, friendly, and nice. He's unmarried and only about a year older than me. There's only three major problems: (1) I don't know him well enough to judge how he would react to a question like that. (2) I only see him once a week through work, as he lives in another town. (3) I think a major reason I'd want to ask him to be a donor is because I'd actually like to date him. Which brings me to the crux of my current problem.
Should I pursue this guy as a potential date? Stick to my TTC plan using a sperm bank donor? Do both? Should I go totally crazy and ask him if he'd donate?
Having passed my most recent birthday, my biological clock is ticking that much louder and I'd really hate to waste precious months hoping to get together with this guy. But what if he is interested in dating? What if I only find out he's interested after I'm already pregnant? Somehow, I think being pregnant with someone else's child just about precludes the possibility of dating. This isn't some J-Lo movie where life works out all peachy.
Then again, there's no guarantee I'll get pregnant right away. Also, he might not be interested in me at all.
I suppose I could always force the issue by asking him out, but I feel that is the nuclear option. The last time I asked a guy out he was too "polite" (i.e. immature) to say no and the date was a total disaster because he wasn't actually interested in me and, therefore, made absolutely no effort during the date. I vowed, after that, that I would never ask a guy out again.
Anyway, forgetting that problem for the moment, I picked out a few potential donors from the sperm bank. Perhaps you could help me narrow them down next time?
I say ask this guy out and see where it goes while picking out a potential donor. Be honest and upfront about your plans but I think it’s best to at least try to go out on a date so you don’t have those “what if” scenarios in your head all the time.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Catie about asking him out. There's very little to lose, other than a bruised ego, if he says no. I definitely think it's a safer bet than asking him to be donor, considering you don't know him very well. :) And don't let dating stop you from going forward with trying to get pregnant. I still dated while I was trying on my own and was up-front about it (obviously not on the first date, though!). The two guys I told about it were cool with it - and I ended up marrying one of them!
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