Frozen

I feel as though I am standing on the precipice of a chasm with one foot poised in the air, ready to take that leap of faith, and I cannot make myself move.

The business idea of mine has gone from a vague dream to a vague possibility to an OhMyGodIt'sNowOrNever scenario. I am physically sick to my stomach thinking about taking that leap of faith but also incredibly scared not to. I'll be so disappointed in myself if I don't.

Why is starting a business so bloody complicated?!?

I wish I had someone to hold my hand through the start-up process, telling me what step to take next, just until everything is ready to go. By that point I think I could do it on my own.

I wish I had a cheerleader who was encouraging, supportive, ready and willing to help me bring this idea to fruition. I am floundering in a sea of self doubt.

I just plain wish I had more confidence in myself and a little less of the abundance of caution and paralyzing worry that plague me.

Six?

The way things stand right now, I have to be honest and say I might not make the August 2017 TTC deadline. This would be the third time pushing back the start date for TTC and I'm starting to feel like a broken record.

But my reasons are as follows:

I might be out of a job by the end of this year. My boss has declared that she will retire and if she can't find a buyer by December then she will close.

I have no idea what my health insurance situation will be next year. I have it for this year and I will use it to get some much-needed check-ups.

I still do not have a home of my own and now, with my job situation being up in the air, I'm not sure if moving out is the best option. The worst part is, if I end up switching jobs or starting my own business then the bank is going to scrutinize a home loan application even more than they would right now. I feel caught between a rock and a hard place. My only consolation is that there is nothing on the market I'm interested in right now. Last I checked, there were a total of only three places that fit my criteria (2 bed/1 bath) and were also in my price range. That's the market in my area right now - not a lot to pick from and most of it way over budget.

As for starting my own business - I really hope to do so this year. If I can't get it launched this year then perhaps I need to table the idea and spend my time concentrating on something else. But for now, working on my business is how I plan to spend February.

To conclude this month's update: I have decided that I will continue preparing for TTC; I just won't declare another start date until I have secured a house and a stable job.

The Over / Under

I made up my mind to contact the bank and see if they could raise my pre-approval amount. I thought there might be some wiggle room because she asked me to name a number when I first got the pre-approval and then she commented something like, "oh, so you're not seeking something way out of range".

So I emailed her and asked about it, wondering what was the highest they'd be willing to go, to see if the condo I was interested in was anywhere within range. At the same time I emailed my parents' realtor again to see if she would respond this time.

The next evening (I can't check email at work) I got emails from both of them. The lady at the bank said they could raise the amount by a "little" but didn't specify a number. She did ask how much the place I was interested in was listed at. The realtor said she'd be happy to work with me then sent another email asking which place I was interested in.

I responded to the bank that if they could only raise the rate a little then I would assume the place was out of my price range, but I did tell her the price of the one I was looking at. I decided I'd wait to respond to the realtor to see if the bank came up with a more exact number.

The next evening I, again, had an email from the bank. She said they could get my pre-approval amount within about $5,000 of the place I was looking at. She did say it would make a difference if the place was a condo or manufactured home as opposed to a regular home. I didn't dare to hope, but I fired off an email to the realtor telling her which property I was interested in and what times I was free to meet with her. Then I emailed the bank and explained that it was a condo and asked about the differences that would make.

The next day I received emails from both of them again. The bank said it would depend on the property tax and asked for the address of the place. The realtor said "Oh, that's such a great place. They just put in new floors and fresh paint and it was on the market for so long, but it's under contract now. Go figure!!!!" Then she said she had no weekend times free to meet but could meet with me before I go to work Monday morning.

I sent an email to the lady at the bank thanking her for her work in helping me, but that the place was under contract now. I haven't yet emailed the realtor because I'm undecided on what to do. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to have someone looking out for different properties coming on the market. I guess I just don't have much faith that another property will show up that excites me and also happens to be in my price range.

Seven

Happy New Year!

My task of getting new health insurance has been completed, as far as I know. The real question is how long will I have it for? How long until they take it away?

The housing situation is a mess. I was finally able to get some more details on the condo I love. There is a condo fee associated with the property which makes it that much further out of my reach. I'm not sure, now, if I should put in the effort to contact the bank about upping my pre-approval amount or if I should just give up on the property. :(

I really need to revisit my goal list because the only one that stands out right now is that I need to exercise more. I listed this as my goal in a previous month but I never got a good routine going. I figure, since it's such a popular New Year's resolution, maybe it'll be on my mind more this month and I can really make an effort to stick with it.

Wake Me Up When December Ends

I have fallen in love with a condo that is out of my price range. The worst part is, it's not that far out of my price range, yet still far enough that I could see a bank not approving a loan. Or, if I got it, the down payment would eat up my savings and the monthly mortgage plus expenses would eat up my paychecks.

To be honest, I haven't seen it in person yet. But from what I've seen in pictures, it's so cute! It's got two bedrooms and two bathrooms. It has the cutest little fireplace with built-in shelves on either side. It's on the top floor, which I want. It's got a deck with really great views. The kitchen is a little small for me but it's workable. There's lots of cupboards and counterspace plus a dishwasher and all other appliances. There are gorgeous wood floors throughout, except in the kitchen and bathrooms. There's a closet with washer and dryer plus lots of other closets for storage. There is a garage space and an outdoor parking space. There's even an elevator.

However, it's not perfect, not that I expect a starter home to be perfect. It's up in the hills, which could be hard to get up and down in the winter. One of the bedroom windows might look out onto a shared space, which seems kind of weird. It's far on the other side of town from most of the places I shop, as well as far away from family. And since I haven't seen it in person, for all I know it could reek of cigarette smoke, which is such a horrible smell to try to remove from a place. Or the neighbors could be bad. Or it could look far worse in person. Or the condo fee could be outrageous. Also, it needs a little updating, but from what I can see in the pictures I think I could live with it, as is, until I could afford to make improvements.

Despite the imperfections, I haven't felt this way about any of the other places I've looked at in person or seen online. I keep coming back to this place and comparing all others to this one. I'm just torn on what to do. I feel very pressured right now, both because interest rates rose recently and will keep rising, and because I really like this place and want to do everything I can to see if I can get it.

In the interest of doing everything possible I tried emailing my parents' recommended realtor over a week ago. I got an automated response that she was on vacation until the next day. I waited for a real response and so far none has been forthcoming. I'm not sure if I should call her, email her again, or try to find a different realtor. But I would really like to see the place in person before I get in touch with the bank and see if they would be willing to up my pre-approval amount. (Did I mention my pre-approval expires in mid-January?)

In other news, I had a meeting with an insurance agent to help me get signed up for health insurance for next year. She was extremely nice and helpful, she even wrote down what I needed to say to the insurance company so that things would get switched correctly. Of course the person at the insurance company didn't follow the script! However, I think I made myself clear. I should just have to call sometime, probably this week, and pay my first premium for next year.

Of course all this real estate & health insurance stuff is coming together just in time for the busiest week at work. Ugh.

What did I say in my last post about spending December relaxing?