Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Knit What?! Purl Who?!?
I don't have very much experience with knitting and I'm almost positive that when I began this beaded scarf project back in 2011 that I hadn't knitted a stitch in my life.* I guess I was optimistic.
All the beads have been strung - turns out that was the easiest part. The casting on was a little confusing (got it down now) but making the first row of stitches has become an exercise in frustration. Technically it's not the actual knitting that is frustrating me (I believe I've got the technique down) but rather it is figuring out where the beads go. Also, the miniature scale of this project is enough to drive anyone insane. Anyway, I must have tried at least 15 times or more to get the first row of stitches and so far no luck. Now, I'm afraid I'm fatiguing the thread as it is so thin to begin with.
Turns out the book that contains this project is rather vague on directions for knitting with beads and very skimpy on pictures. Brings back fond memories of working with sewing patterns.
So I've officially turned to YouTube and found some wonderful tutorials that just might get me past casting on. Fingers crossed because if I've not made it past that point by February 1st I'm going to have to put this project down and return to it at a later date.
*Since that time I have done some actual knitting (probably in 2012), nothing you would call a "finished project" though I was on my way to a rather beautiful dish rag. :-)
All the beads have been strung - turns out that was the easiest part. The casting on was a little confusing (got it down now) but making the first row of stitches has become an exercise in frustration. Technically it's not the actual knitting that is frustrating me (I believe I've got the technique down) but rather it is figuring out where the beads go. Also, the miniature scale of this project is enough to drive anyone insane. Anyway, I must have tried at least 15 times or more to get the first row of stitches and so far no luck. Now, I'm afraid I'm fatiguing the thread as it is so thin to begin with.
Turns out the book that contains this project is rather vague on directions for knitting with beads and very skimpy on pictures. Brings back fond memories of working with sewing patterns.
So I've officially turned to YouTube and found some wonderful tutorials that just might get me past casting on. Fingers crossed because if I've not made it past that point by February 1st I'm going to have to put this project down and return to it at a later date.
*Since that time I have done some actual knitting (probably in 2012), nothing you would call a "finished project" though I was on my way to a rather beautiful dish rag. :-)
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Letting Go
I shared the previous post because it was one step on my journey of letting go. When I learned my ex-friend was engaged, and then married, I felt anger
first, then a sort of dark humor in comparing our situations (which is where that post comes from). Now, months after hearing of her marriage, I just have a feeling of
release and I think I'm in a place where I can begin letting go of the pain of that particular time. It took a long time to get here but I feel ready to stop holding onto the hurt because it has been such a heavy burden to carry.
It was almost like she and I were competing in a game. Now that she has what I have always wanted it feels as though the game is over. It would have been nice if I had "won" but I am free of the game nonetheless. I don't have to constantly worry about how I am doing compared to her. I'm free to live my life however it plays out.
But, I won't lie and pretend that I am a saint. I can't bring myself to forgive and forget and I'm not entirely sure she deserves that. I know that seeing her at friends' events, or accidentally bumping into her around town, will still be difficult and uncomfortable. I know we won't speak to each other, or be friends again, by mutual choice and that's okay.
Someday Karma may come back to bite her, or not - I may never find out. But maybe now I can stop dwelling on the past and begin moving on.
Saturday, January 18, 2014
O' Karma, Where Art Thou?
I'm finally getting around to My Life Feels Like a Cosmic Joke, Part 2.
The Past
*This first part is a cliffs notes version of one of the worst times in my life and I will never be able to fully convey in this, or any blog post, just how bad it was, so I will stick with a summary.*
My best friend in college up and decided one day she no longer wanted to be my friend. It was literally overnight that she decided this. Her excuse? I was too "depressed". I was shocked as I had never been depressed up to that point. I don't know if she misinterpreted my introversion for depression (I never laughed as loudly at her lame jokes as our other friends did) or if she was taking her hurt over her parents' divorce out on me. Whatever the real excuse she went from warm friend one day to icy bitch the next and no amount of tears or effort on my part convinced her to be anything less than cold and indifferent to me for the remaining three months we had to live together until college graduation. Those final three months were pure torture. Throw a boy into the mix (a boy my ex-friend also had history with), add in some "friends" gleeful for gossip, and you have a recipe for the deep depression I ended up falling into and which took me years to climb out of.
During and after the fallout we continued to share mutual friends. This has meant being brought together over the years for weddings and baby showers, etc. It has also meant any gossip in my life finds its way to her and vice versa.
So, one of the things that sustained me over the years was the old saying "living better is the best revenge".
I was going to have the better life and for once she would be jealous of me.
The Present
If you regularly read my blog then you know that I went from a low-paying job to a crappy higher-paying job, to temp work, and finally back to school with occasional low-paying part-time work. I still live with my parents and, with hardly any income on my part, I am sure to be in their house for the foreseeable future. I don't have a boyfriend and prospects for finding one are rather low. This is how my life stands right now.
How has my ex-friend fared? Thanks to nepotism she was able to land a job she was barely qualified for at a company that was recently voted one of the best and nicest in town. She must be doing okay at it because she got a promotion about a year or two ago. It's a good paying job and she was able to move out of her mom's house just a few years after college. But the real kick in the gut to me was learning of her engagement last year. She came with her boyfriend to our mutual friend's wedding last February and I will be honest and admit that he is decently good looking. As far as I know they were married last September. I'm sure it is only a matter of time before I hear that she's knocked up.
So much for living better and revenge.
The Past
*This first part is a cliffs notes version of one of the worst times in my life and I will never be able to fully convey in this, or any blog post, just how bad it was, so I will stick with a summary.*
My best friend in college up and decided one day she no longer wanted to be my friend. It was literally overnight that she decided this. Her excuse? I was too "depressed". I was shocked as I had never been depressed up to that point. I don't know if she misinterpreted my introversion for depression (I never laughed as loudly at her lame jokes as our other friends did) or if she was taking her hurt over her parents' divorce out on me. Whatever the real excuse she went from warm friend one day to icy bitch the next and no amount of tears or effort on my part convinced her to be anything less than cold and indifferent to me for the remaining three months we had to live together until college graduation. Those final three months were pure torture. Throw a boy into the mix (a boy my ex-friend also had history with), add in some "friends" gleeful for gossip, and you have a recipe for the deep depression I ended up falling into and which took me years to climb out of.
During and after the fallout we continued to share mutual friends. This has meant being brought together over the years for weddings and baby showers, etc. It has also meant any gossip in my life finds its way to her and vice versa.
So, one of the things that sustained me over the years was the old saying "living better is the best revenge".
I was going to have the better life and for once she would be jealous of me.
The Present
If you regularly read my blog then you know that I went from a low-paying job to a crappy higher-paying job, to temp work, and finally back to school with occasional low-paying part-time work. I still live with my parents and, with hardly any income on my part, I am sure to be in their house for the foreseeable future. I don't have a boyfriend and prospects for finding one are rather low. This is how my life stands right now.
How has my ex-friend fared? Thanks to nepotism she was able to land a job she was barely qualified for at a company that was recently voted one of the best and nicest in town. She must be doing okay at it because she got a promotion about a year or two ago. It's a good paying job and she was able to move out of her mom's house just a few years after college. But the real kick in the gut to me was learning of her engagement last year. She came with her boyfriend to our mutual friend's wedding last February and I will be honest and admit that he is decently good looking. As far as I know they were married last September. I'm sure it is only a matter of time before I hear that she's knocked up.
So much for living better and revenge.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
One Week at a Time
Just a few quick updates since my computer decided to crash.
The spring semester for school started on Monday and so far it has been a little crazy. I'm taking four classes this semester with two online, one half online, and one that is the regular in-class style. These are my first actual online classes and I'm afraid I really don't like the set-up of them, one of them especially, and it's kinda got me bummed.
In project news I have officially strung two entire tubes of beads and am starting on the third. I found, or rather rediscovered, a way to string a few beads at a time rather than each individually so that has sped things up a little.
The spring semester for school started on Monday and so far it has been a little crazy. I'm taking four classes this semester with two online, one half online, and one that is the regular in-class style. These are my first actual online classes and I'm afraid I really don't like the set-up of them, one of them especially, and it's kinda got me bummed.
In project news I have officially strung two entire tubes of beads and am starting on the third. I found, or rather rediscovered, a way to string a few beads at a time rather than each individually so that has sped things up a little.
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