Snacking

(First of all: Ali - thanks for the suggestion, I've looked before and didn't find one that worked with my schedule, but it may be time to try looking again)

I feel a little bit better today, a little lighter. I think letting my feelings out yesterday helped. And while I wish I had a better plan of action for how to move forward with my goals, at least I have something to start with.
I have a list of Big goals (ones that take more time, planning, and money) and Little goals (ones that should be easier and cheaper to accomplish). I'm going to start with the little goals and see what I can cross off.

My first goal is to turn my mad snacking habit around. I swear all my pants and skirts shrunk on the drying rack because I can barely squeeze into them, even the new stuff I got in the next size up is starting to feel tight. (By the way, those pics of me were taken a couple years ago right before my clothes "shrunk")

Okay, so I've figured out that I get pretty hungry between breakfast and lunchtime so if I don't take a snack with me to work then I end up eating whatever easily accessible high-priced junk we have there. This usually means giant chocolate chip cookies, jerky, chocolate, ice cream, etc. So my goal is to always bring something healthy from home.

It's the healthy part that makes this goal tricky. I like fruits and vegetables, but I think they are rather boring when they're plain, and those other snacks are just so tempting to my taste buds. So I ask any of you that may be reading, do you have any great ideas for snacks??

Dream Home

Wanted: 3 bedroom, 2 bath home. Willing to settle for 2 bedroom. Garage of any size preferable, but would accept suitable space to build one or off-street parking. Enough yard space for a garden & for kids to play highly preferred, but willing to look at small patios big enough for potted plants. Must have large kitchen to fit an overabundance of kitchen items as well as accomodate a messy cook/baker. Dishwasher a must. Space for washer & dryer non-negotiable. Must have at least one storage closet. Formal dining room, formal living room, basement, granite countertops, stainless steel appliances -NOT needed. Craft room/artist studio/office/exercise room, pool/hot tub, working fireplace, library, underground sprinkler system, walk-in closets, master suite, finished landscaping, 1/2 bath, fenced yard -a bonus but not needed.

That's not too much to ask for in a dream home, right?

After I graduated college I came home to live with my parents. I needed the comfort of home after the hell I went through during my last semester of college (friend drama). And I hadn't decided where I would go to graduate school or even if I wanted to pursue it. I had no job prospects and no other place to live, so home I went. I never would have guessed that over five years later I would still be living at home.

It was great for the first year or two while I figured things out. I got a car, I got a job, and I made some new friends. But after the first two years I was more than ready to establish some independence from my parents and I started looking for apartments. It was then I found out that rent prices in my area, especially if you have a pet, are not that much less than mortgage prices even after factoring in taxes, home owner's insurance, and private mortgage insurance. But both were out of my price range.

Even so, I stopped checking the apartment listings and set my sights on buying a home. And the solution to affording one was so simple - I would just have to get a new job.

And that was when the jobs market crashed along with the housing market and my dreams of a higher income.

For a few years while job prospects were at their worst I didn't do much of anything about finding new or extra employment. There just wasn't a lot to be found. But if I'm being honest I am partially to blame for my lack of a new job because I hate the whole process of job-hunting. It makes me nervous and anxious.

Fast-forward to the present and both markets are still in pretty bad shape. (So why do the house prices around here keep creeping up??)

Now don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful to have a full-time job with some benefits, even at a low wage. I realize that is more than some people have these days. But I can't even begin to pursue any dream, let alone motherhood, without a higher income. The job gets me the money, which pays for the house, which gives me the room and the freedom to have kids.

But for now here I sit, in my parents' house, saving my pennies for my own place, still trying to find a new job, still dreaming the American dream.

Photo Credit Here

Money, Money, Money - What if? Part 9

Will I really be able to afford single parenthood?

"Money, money, money
Must be funny
In a rich man's world
Money, money, money
Always sunny
In a rich man's world
Aha-ahaaa
All the things I could do
If I had a little money
It's a rich man's world..."
- ABBA

Parenthood is not free. This should come as no surprise to just about everybody. And I know without even doing the math that there is no way I can afford it at my current wage. And every day that goes by I grow acutely more aware of how much closer I am to 30 and how much further from my dream. Because I draw my line at bringing children into this world when I know, before they are even created, that I can't afford them. So I am on the hunt for a way to make more money. A new job, a part-time job, a day at the races, something!

"So I must leave
I'll have to go
To Las Vegas or Monaco
And win a fortune in a game
My life would never be the same..."
- ABBA


As you can see, I've already been to Vegas. Beginner's luck on the blackjack tables netted me about $30.

Overwhelmed - What if? - Part 8

I think I have finally caught up on all the posts I missed when my computer was being fixed and first I must say my heart goes out to Shannon and Claire. Both of you ladies are so strong. I wish you both the best possible outcomes.


What will I do if I get overwhelmed?

I've been dreading writing this post because I have no good answer to this question. It's not even an easy question to pin down because what might be overwhelming on one day could be doable on another. The planner in me wants a solution at the ready for any problem that could come up. But I know that is impossible. I need to learn to roll with the punches a little more. Be a little more flexible in my plans and make the best of the time I have to get things done.
But sometimes I look at my life and I'm amazed how little I seem to accomplish in a day or a weekend. Even when I've devoted my time to crossing things off my list, somehow the mountain of things to do never shrinks. How am I possibly going to be able to add a baby to my life and get anything besides sleeping (ha!) and breathing done?? And maybe some eating thrown in there? How do you single ladies who already have kids fit in things like haircuts, banking, grocery shopping, shopping in general, household chores, doctors' visits, and all the other things that happen in life while still working full-time jobs?

I actually did a lot of thinking about this question over the past week as I wrenched, and cursed, and begged my key to release from the ignition when all I wanted to do was lock my car and go into work.
I thought what would I do if this happened and I had a screaming infant with me? It's my only car, what if my parents weren't around to loan me their truck or take my car into the shop to get fixed? It's not like I could strap an infant carrier onto a bicycle (which I don't have anyway). We don't even have any form of public transportation in my town.
What if I had to miss work to get my car repaired? I can't exactly afford to miss work, and with the boss and another employee on vacation it would have left one employee for the morning rush. What would I do if I needed to pick a sick child up from the babysitter/daycare/school? Heck, I couldn't even pick a child up from daycare at the end of my regular work hours because I couldn't get my car into drive.
These thoughts kept going through my mind on the day of Ignition Failure and I couldn't figure out what I would do if I didn't have my parents to turn to and that bothers me. Sometime between college and now I backslid a little in the independence department and I need to correct that. What would I do if I lived in a different town from them? What will I do when they're gone?
I would like to feel strong and mature and more like the adult that I am because how can I possibly be the parent to a child when sometimes I feel like a child myself? Does anyone else ever feel this way? And is parenting plus taking care of life's chores really as overwhelming as it seems? Or is it just as overwhelming but you figure it out as you go along anyway?

I'm Back!

Over a month since my last post and finally back to blogging!

So what has happened between then and now?

My Computer
Sometime near the end of July my computer ran into a nasty bug and I had to take it in to be cleaned and updated by the professionals. I almost lost all my files, but fortunately everything was recovered. I tried to check in on everyone from other computers a few times but I kept away from logging on since they were public computers. However, my computer is all better now and I'm excited to be back!

My car
Got my first flat tire in twelve years of driving. At least it was a slow leak and not a tire explosion. But I had to drive home with it flat (fortunately not a very long drive) and that shredded the inside of the tire so bad it couldn't be patched. I had to buy a brand new one instead. Then just when my tire troubles were over my car refused to shift out of park, and it refused to release the key from the ignition. Have I mentioned this car is only five years old?! Of course the part the mechanic needs to fix it is not in stock so I have to wait for that to come in now.

The Garage Sale
I had to watch my sister sell piles of her nearly new baby girl and baby boy clothes, as well as strollers and car seats for dirt cheap and I couldn't do a darn thing about it.

Well, I think that's it for now. I'm off to check out what the rest of you have been up to!