In Search of a Few Good Men, Part 3

Time to narrow down the donors because I need to purchase really soon.

This is mostly just for fun, though any help you could provide would be greatly appreciated.

If you're willing to participate, here's what I want you to do - tell me the three that you like the best. If you want to include why you'd choose them, that'd be great (but not required).*

Also, two things I really want to know from those who have gone before me are - did you feel a "connection" with your donor? And did you ever want to know things you'll probably never know about the donor? (Like, does he share your hatred of cantaloupe or something like that?)

Because, honestly, none of these donors give me that special "he's the one" feeling. There was one donor I was leaning toward who no longer has vials available and does not appear to be donating anymore. Otherwise, I don't know if I feel a disconnect because I can't see how these guys look and act in person, if I'm just not feeling it because none of them are, in fact, the "right" donor, or because I'm still a little hung-up on my crush.**

Having got that off my chest, let's proceed. I tried to distill the descriptions down to the most noteworthy aspects so as not to make what will be a long post even longer. Mostly they deal with looks, interests, and health history.

(Truth time – some of my likes/dislikes about these donors feel superficial. Some of it I would definitely forgive/forget if the guy were my husband. Then again, I'd know so much more about the guy if he were my husband, so I guess it's a trade-off. Also, since I’m allowed to have a choice, and since I’m paying a pretty penny for the opportunity to choose, I feel a little superficiality may be allowable.)

Starting with the donors that are currently available, in no particular order:

• Donor 1 - The Lookalike
•  This donor has thick, straight strawberry blond hair and beautiful green eyes (according to staff). His interests include running, football, and the outdoors.
•  There is a history of lifestyle-related cancer and diabetes in his family and he’s had no reported pregnancies.

• Donor 2 - The Leftie
• With green eyes and straight, thick brown hair, this left-handed environmental engineering undergrad has many interests in common with me including pets, the outdoors, dancing, music, and tabletop gaming. He is also one of the few donors to have reported pregnancies.
• However, his vision is poor, he required orthodontia growing up, he tested as a carrier for four recessive genetic conditions – most worrisome being deafness as there is a family history of it on my side. There has also been early death and early strokes in his family.

• Donor 3 - Mr. Kittycat
• I’m a sucker for a guy who likes cats, and this brown-eyed, brown-haired donor has one!  He also enjoys quiet things as well as music and football. Currently pursuing a degree in Accounting/Finance.
• The most worrisome thing in his family health history is his mother’s uterine cancer in her 30’s. Otherwise he has poor vision and required orthodontia. Also, he’s had no reported pregnancies.
  
  
• Donor 4 - Mr. Military
• Sporting wavy dark brown hair and green eyes, this donor is outgoing and loves adventure and physical fitness. He didn’t require orthodontia growing up and currently needs no vision correction.
• However, some of his other interests lead me to believe he wouldn’t be dating material if we met in person. He’s had no reported pregnancies, though his essay says he enjoys raising his own kids. There is a family history of cancer and diabetes and he has limited vials available (though he’s still donating to the program).
  
  
• Donor 5 - The Singer
• According to staff this donor has a great singing voice. He also plays different instruments, likes radio, and his favorite sport is football. He currently has an Associates in Music. He enjoys puzzle games and reading. His essay makes him seem like someone I’d date. He also has wavy blond hair and blue eyes, required no orthodontia and needs no lenses to correct his vision.
• Family health history shows instances of colon cancer on both sides, as well as Alzheimer’s, stroke, and Crohn’s disease. There are no reported pregnancies.
  
  
• Donor 6 - The Rock Climber
• Thick wavy dark blond hair and blue eyes complement this tall, thin rock climber. His vision requires no corrective lenses. He’s into athletics and holds an Associates degree. According to his essay, he is outgoing and seems like someone I could maybe date.
• He required orthodontia growing up and his family health history includes heart disease, skin cancer on both sides of the family due to sun exposure, osteoarthritis, heart arrhythmia, and lifestyle-related Type II diabetes.
  
  
• Donor 7 - The Artist (not formerly known as Prince)
• Interests line up with some of my own including drawing, reading, painting, and art. Staff impressions say this blond-haired, blue-eyed donor is smiley and good looking. He has no lenses for corrective vision and is ambidextrous. His essay seems like someone I’d date and he’s had reported pregnancies.
• So far, he only has a high school education and he required orthodontia. Family member health history shows lung cancer (from smoking), heart attack, eczema, and osteoarthritis. He’s extremely limited in available vials and is not currently donating.
  

• Donor 8 - The Dancer
•  This nursing student has thick curly brown hair and blue eyes. He tested negative for all recessive genetic disorders and wears no corrective lenses. He loves to dance, likes sports, and is learning to play the piano.
• However, he did required orthodontia, has no reported pregnancies, and family health history includes heart problems, liver disease, and glaucoma.
  
  

• Donor 9 - The Swimmer
• Sporting thick, wavy dark brown hair and brown eyes this donor has no corrective lenses for vision and tested negative for recessive genetic disorders. He loves playing with his dog, swimming, cooking, and computer programming.
• His family has a history of dementia, he required orthodontia, and so far has no reported pregnancies.
  
  

* I know you can't choose for me, and I reserve the right to choose whoever I feel is best. I just thought this might be a fun way to get other points of view on these donors. So, feel free to choose by whatever criteria floats your boat.

**A quick note on my crush – the status quo has not changed.

In Search of a Few Good Men, Part 2

Over the last few weeks, I've thought a lot about asking my crush out, and I find that I just can't do it. At least, not yet.

With the last guy I asked out, not only was the date a disaster, but there was an incident a few months later where the guy was a total dick to me. It really soured me on asking guys out. Add to that the fact that I've never made it beyond the first date with any guy I've asked out, and I've arrived at the point where I'm not sure if I'd be more upset if my crush said no, or if he said yes.

Also, it doesn't hurt that seeing him gives me something to look forward to every week and I don't want that taken away. However, I know that I could easily let this crush drag out ad infinitum. Therefore, I've given myself until July to either get with him or get over him. If things between the two of us are still unchanged by then, then I will go forward with the July cycle, regardless of my feelings for this guy.

As to sperm donors - the sperm bank ran a spring sale and out of the eight donors I had saved, only two have any vials left (and not many vials at that). One of the problems I've noticed with this sperm bank is that popular donors sell out extremely fast. Another problem is that there is not a huge selection of donors to begin with, then they must be narrowed down to CMV negative, etc. How can I narrow it down to my top three potential donors if they're all sold out?

It's starting to look like I may not get much choice in donor and will have to go with whoever is available when I'm ready to buy. I guess one upshot of waiting until July is the potential for new donors to become available or for old ones to come back in stock.

Regardless, I'd still like to talk about some of the potential donors here and maybe get some advice about which to choose. So, I guess this will extend to a Part 3 sometime soon.

In Search of a Few Good Men, Part 1

How, exactly, does one pick a donor?

The options are so many and so few.

For the first few cycles, at least, I will be doing at-home ICI, basically the turkey baster method, which narrows my choices for sperm banks.
In fact, I'm none too excited that the best sperm bank choice does it's recruiting practically in my own backyard. It just feels a little weird, if that makes sense.

On the flipside, there's the possibility of going with a known donor. There's at least one website full of people from all over the world willing to donate or co-parent. I took a tour around the site and found a few guys in my city and state but I wasn't overly excited by any of them. When I searched internationally I did find a few guys whose profiles I felt a connection with, especially one guy from the UK. However, there's a big ocean-sized problem standing in the way of that option.

Then there are the guys that I already know. Unfortunately, most of my closest male friends are married and, even if they weren't, I wouldn't feel comfortable asking any of them.

There is one male acquaintance of mine that I would love to ask. He's handsome, friendly, and nice. He's unmarried and only about a year older than me. There's only three major problems: (1) I don't know him well enough to judge how he would react to a question like that. (2) I only see him once a week through work, as he lives in another town. (3) I think a major reason I'd want to ask him to be a donor is because I'd actually like to date him. Which brings me to the crux of my current problem. 

Should I pursue this guy as a potential date? Stick to my TTC plan using a sperm bank donor? Do both? Should I go totally crazy and ask him if he'd donate?

Having passed my most recent birthday, my biological clock is ticking that much louder and I'd really hate to waste precious months hoping to get together with this guy. But what if he is interested in dating? What if I only find out he's interested after I'm already pregnant? Somehow, I think being pregnant with someone else's child just about precludes the possibility of dating. This isn't some J-Lo movie where life works out all peachy.
Then again, there's no guarantee I'll get pregnant right away. Also, he might not be interested in me at all.
 I suppose I could always force the issue by asking him out, but I feel that is the nuclear option. The last time I asked a guy out he was too "polite" (i.e. immature) to say no and the date was a total disaster because he wasn't actually interested in me and, therefore, made absolutely no effort during the date. I vowed, after that, that I would never ask a guy out again.

Anyway, forgetting that problem for the moment, I picked out a few potential donors from the sperm bank. Perhaps you could help me narrow them down next time?