As you might have noticed I did end up changing my name on this blog, and that's not the only thing that has changed.
The most major thing is that my boyfriend and I broke up, or rather we went back to being just friends. It finally dawned on me that he was more interested in the chase than he was in the actual relationship, and that is possibly the explanation for why his attitude changed so much after we officially started dating. There are more issues at play in the break-up (I'm not going to pretend it was all his fault and that I was 100% the perfect girlfriend) but our lives are too enmeshed to make a clean break and I know we both still care for each other, so friends it is. We'll see how it goes.
In other news, I drive by the construction site for my future apartment every day to and from work. Construction started in July and things are really starting to take shape! Sadly, the projected finish date for the complex looks to be late Spring or early Summer of 2016. Still, I think it will be worth the wait, and if I don't exactly move out before my goal of May 2016, at least I will be moving out shortly after!
Speaking of Spring 2016, I hope to have the grand opening for my business around that time. I am both excited and extremely nervous. Things are moving a little slow right now as I have rethought the name about three times, which is holding up some of the necessary paperwork, but in the meantime I'm trying to work on anything else that I can do to get this thing launched.
However....the more things change the more they stay the same. After last year's epic costume I swore I was done with costume making, but another idea kept setting fire to my imagination until I found myself at the end of September suckered into creating it. And, like most of the costumes I've created, it ended up being more complicated than I ever thought it would be, resulting in me staying up until 3am two nights prior to my family's Halloween party, plus working on the costume during my lunch break at work, then rushing home the night of the party to do a few last minute, but very necessary things. I've never cut it so close to the wire trying to finish a costume, and while I love how it turned out, I was kind of disappointed by my family's ho-hum reaction and the fact that there were only about three of us dressed up out of the 10 of us at the party. :-(
Currently I have no ideas for next year so this year might well and truly be the last of my homemade Halloween costumes.
Anyway, the costume is my excuse, once again, for not blogging or reading blogs in a while. I need to catch up with all the many things I put off while doing the costume and then I need to come back here and do a couple more posts because there is so much more I need to talk about!
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
A Rose By Any Other Name
Guess what? The name I use on Blogger is not my real name. Surprised? Probably not, especially those who are friends with me on FB (I think only one of you is friends with me on there). Anyway, when I first started up this blog I chose the name because it represented my love for Ancient Egypt, and because that particular goddess was often considered the mother goddess. So I thought it was appropriate. Also, I've always thought the name was pretty.
Then it had to go and become an acronym for a group that has been popping up in the news a lot. And now the name seems synonymous with bad things and leaves me feeling vaguely uneasy whenever I post a comment on someone else's blog.
So, do I change the name (even if only by one letter)? Do I keep it? Does it really even matter one way or the other?
Then it had to go and become an acronym for a group that has been popping up in the news a lot. And now the name seems synonymous with bad things and leaves me feeling vaguely uneasy whenever I post a comment on someone else's blog.
So, do I change the name (even if only by one letter)? Do I keep it? Does it really even matter one way or the other?
Saturday, August 8, 2015
Love & Marriage, Part II
I've sat down to write this post several times over the last few weeks and never really been able to finish it, so maybe saying things as simply as possible is best. Here goes.
I'm worried that I will never get married if I become an SMC, and I believe I will always mourn the dream of marriage.
I would rather try to become an SMC, even if it means never marrying, than wait around hoping for the right guy, only to possibly lose both dreams or marry the wrong person out of desperation.
I hate feeling this way, but I'm starting to become bitter about romantic love and relationships. I used to be a hopeless romantic and now I just feel cynical. This feeling is something I really, really don't want to pass on to any future children.
I talked in my last post about my friend, W, who had gotten engaged. Two more engagements have taken place since I wrote that post!! That puts the total engagements among my small group of friends and family at five so far this year.
Finally, I feel very weird saying everything I've just said considering I have a boyfriend who has talked about marriage. Marrying him would seem like the answer to all my troubles, but I know it wouldn't be the right choice for me, or very fair to him. So it leaves me in a very difficult place, stuck in a combination of bitterness and guilt. Perhaps it's time my boyfriend and I have a serious discussion.
I'm worried that I will never get married if I become an SMC, and I believe I will always mourn the dream of marriage.
I would rather try to become an SMC, even if it means never marrying, than wait around hoping for the right guy, only to possibly lose both dreams or marry the wrong person out of desperation.
I hate feeling this way, but I'm starting to become bitter about romantic love and relationships. I used to be a hopeless romantic and now I just feel cynical. This feeling is something I really, really don't want to pass on to any future children.
I talked in my last post about my friend, W, who had gotten engaged. Two more engagements have taken place since I wrote that post!! That puts the total engagements among my small group of friends and family at five so far this year.
Finally, I feel very weird saying everything I've just said considering I have a boyfriend who has talked about marriage. Marrying him would seem like the answer to all my troubles, but I know it wouldn't be the right choice for me, or very fair to him. So it leaves me in a very difficult place, stuck in a combination of bitterness and guilt. Perhaps it's time my boyfriend and I have a serious discussion.
Thursday, July 9, 2015
Love & Marriage, Part I
A friend of mine I'll call W, who is sort of an ex, announced his engagement on FB this past week. I am happy for him, I truly am. He had a crush on me way back in my first college days, and we went on one date, but I just could never seem to feel anything for him beyond friendship. Yet, for some reason, his engagement post was like a kick in the gut. I had been riding the high of finishing school, and suddenly I was back to thinking about the past, and the future, and all the paths I might never get to walk down. Paths like marriage. And I realized that, for whatever reason, W's engagement announcement was really, really affecting me. And all this past week I've tried to analyze why.
Perhaps it's because of recent events in my own relationship...
My boyfriend and I have had a tradition of watching the Triple Crown races. We've watched them at the same bar together since long before we were dating. And long before he and I ever met, I was watching those races as a horse-obsessed kid, hoping to see a Triple Crown happen in my lifetime.
Apparently my boyfriend joked to the bartender that he would propose to me if a horse won the Triple Crown. Right after American Pharoah crossed the finish line to become the first Triple Crown winner since 1978, my boyfriend pulled out a giant fake ring and put it on my finger. The regulars at the bar all thought it was a legitimate proposal, one guy even took a picture, and the bartender paid for our food and beers. Knowing my boyfriend, I knew it was a joke, but he was too embarrassed to fess up after everyone else thought it was real.
But after that day, he started asking me about ring sizes, and what style do I like, etc. And I started panicking. There are some very real things wrong with our relationship. One of them being that he is a workaholic.
He said his workaholic ways would get better if we started dating. They've actually only gotten worse. He lives very near work, and he is the boss's right-hand man, so he is there constantly. He is scheduled to work six days a week, but comes in on the seventh, as well as after hours, to do extra (often unpaid) work. Up until recently he also had a night shift at another job a couple days a week that only ended because the supervisor, who was his friend, left.
He complains that we never get to hang out much, but when we both have time off he never seems able to relax. He's always worrying about something he thinks needs to be done at work and he's often grumpy because of that. Lately I've gotten the impression that he feels hanging out with me is a waste of precious time that he could be spending finishing up his never-ending work projects.
Yet, he still calls to say he misses me and wishes we could hang out more. The words just don't match the actions. (And in case you're wondering, I'm about 99% sure he's not cheating. I'm also 100% sure he's not pulling some fraud scheme at work.) He's just plain a workaholic, and it's driving a wedge in our relationship and our friendship. That, plus a few other issues, is why I freak out at the thought of him proposing for real.
So.....has W's engagement affected me so much because he's happy and in love, while here I sit with a boyfriend who is so close, and yet so far from being marriage material that it frustrates me, and I'm beginning to wonder if it wouldn't be kinder to both of us if he and I broke up?
Or, am I affected because my boyfriend's fake proposal came so close to being real that it feels like I, too, should have been announcing an engagement?
Or is it something else entirely?........
Perhaps it's because of recent events in my own relationship...
My boyfriend and I have had a tradition of watching the Triple Crown races. We've watched them at the same bar together since long before we were dating. And long before he and I ever met, I was watching those races as a horse-obsessed kid, hoping to see a Triple Crown happen in my lifetime.
Apparently my boyfriend joked to the bartender that he would propose to me if a horse won the Triple Crown. Right after American Pharoah crossed the finish line to become the first Triple Crown winner since 1978, my boyfriend pulled out a giant fake ring and put it on my finger. The regulars at the bar all thought it was a legitimate proposal, one guy even took a picture, and the bartender paid for our food and beers. Knowing my boyfriend, I knew it was a joke, but he was too embarrassed to fess up after everyone else thought it was real.
But after that day, he started asking me about ring sizes, and what style do I like, etc. And I started panicking. There are some very real things wrong with our relationship. One of them being that he is a workaholic.
He said his workaholic ways would get better if we started dating. They've actually only gotten worse. He lives very near work, and he is the boss's right-hand man, so he is there constantly. He is scheduled to work six days a week, but comes in on the seventh, as well as after hours, to do extra (often unpaid) work. Up until recently he also had a night shift at another job a couple days a week that only ended because the supervisor, who was his friend, left.
He complains that we never get to hang out much, but when we both have time off he never seems able to relax. He's always worrying about something he thinks needs to be done at work and he's often grumpy because of that. Lately I've gotten the impression that he feels hanging out with me is a waste of precious time that he could be spending finishing up his never-ending work projects.
Yet, he still calls to say he misses me and wishes we could hang out more. The words just don't match the actions. (And in case you're wondering, I'm about 99% sure he's not cheating. I'm also 100% sure he's not pulling some fraud scheme at work.) He's just plain a workaholic, and it's driving a wedge in our relationship and our friendship. That, plus a few other issues, is why I freak out at the thought of him proposing for real.
So.....has W's engagement affected me so much because he's happy and in love, while here I sit with a boyfriend who is so close, and yet so far from being marriage material that it frustrates me, and I'm beginning to wonder if it wouldn't be kinder to both of us if he and I broke up?
Or, am I affected because my boyfriend's fake proposal came so close to being real that it feels like I, too, should have been announcing an engagement?
Or is it something else entirely?........
Saturday, June 27, 2015
School's Out Forever
Stick a fork in me, I'm done!!! Now the equally daunting, but far more exciting, things begin.
Currently I'm at my old job, with up to full-time hours at higher pay (yay!) but I am also looking into other jobs that use more of the skills I so recently learned in school.
More exciting than that - I am starting my own business!!! It will be a very small business, which is just how I want it. It's going to take a lot of work, and, frankly, it's very intimidating to start a business, but I believe in the beauty of my dream, and it's worth a try, right?!
As of now I am stuck on finding the perfect name for my business. Once that happens I have to screw up enough courage to take the plunge and start buying stuff for it, as well as applying for licenses, etc.
Lots to do!
Currently I'm at my old job, with up to full-time hours at higher pay (yay!) but I am also looking into other jobs that use more of the skills I so recently learned in school.
More exciting than that - I am starting my own business!!! It will be a very small business, which is just how I want it. It's going to take a lot of work, and, frankly, it's very intimidating to start a business, but I believe in the beauty of my dream, and it's worth a try, right?!
As of now I am stuck on finding the perfect name for my business. Once that happens I have to screw up enough courage to take the plunge and start buying stuff for it, as well as applying for licenses, etc.
Lots to do!
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