Love & Marriage, Part II

I've sat down to write this post several times over the last few weeks and never really been able to finish it, so maybe saying things as simply as possible is best. Here goes.

I'm worried that I will never get married if I become an SMC, and I believe I will always mourn the dream of marriage.

I would rather try to become an SMC, even if it means never marrying, than wait around hoping for the right guy, only to possibly lose both dreams or marry the wrong person out of desperation.

I hate feeling this way, but I'm starting to become bitter about romantic love and relationships. I used to be a hopeless romantic and now I just feel cynical. This feeling is something I really, really don't want to pass on to any future children.

I talked in my last post about my friend, W, who had gotten engaged. Two more engagements have taken place since I wrote that post!! That puts the total engagements among my small group of friends and family at five so far this year.

Finally, I feel very weird saying everything I've just said considering I have a boyfriend who has talked about marriage. Marrying him would seem like the answer to all my troubles, but I know it wouldn't be the right choice for me, or very fair to him. So it leaves me in a very difficult place, stuck in a combination of bitterness and guilt. Perhaps it's time my boyfriend and I have a serious discussion.