So it's February now and the stores are brimming with chocolates, stuffed animals, Valentine cards and enough pink and red to blind a person. And typical of nearly every year in my life I don't have a significant other for the 14th. But this year, rather than drown my sorrows in a pint of chocolate peanut butter ice cream, I'm going to celebrate all the things I like about being single. And I made a list of them. So, without further ado (but in no particular order) here is reason number one:
1. I get the bed all to myself.
I can spread out, lay whichever way I want, toss and turn and never once worry about being a space invader or waking someone else up.
All the pillows are mine and I can surround myself with as many as I need.
All the blankets are mine and you better believe I'll be piling on more if it's cold or pushing them off when it's hot.
I don't have someone else's cold feet poking me and I'm not annoying them with mine.
I can deck out my bed in purple flowery sheets and no one will protest.
When I go to bed late at night I'm not waking anyone up. And nobody wakes me with their before-the-sunrise schedule.
And best of all - I don't have to listen to anyone snoring!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
100%
(Note: I apologize for any weird changes of tense. It's late, I should be in bed, and I'm having a hard time putting my thoughts in writing right now. Also, like another blogger I too seem to be getting a white screen when going to the comment section, but only on certain blogs - anyone know what's up with that?)
When I started down this Thinking path I was probably 85-90% sure I would eventually move to the Trying stage if I found myself still single by a certain time. But that small percentage lingered in the back of my mind, making me wonder if my fears about single motherhood would cause me to chicken out. So over the past several months I have pondered that small percentage, looking at it from every angle. Exploring in my mind what it might be like if I chose to live child-free. Asking myself how far I'm willing to go with this dream of mine, what I feel I can honestly cope with, and what I will need before I can be sure I am ready to move to the Trying stage. But most of all I wanted to be 100% sure that I am choosing the right path if I should find myself still single sometime in the future.
So, it was during these musings that I got to thinking about the time I auditioned for a musical my local community theater was doing. It was a musical I had always dreamed about being in and I started practicing for the audition three months in advance!!
When the time came I was one of about 60 other people (a large number for my small town) to audition for this play. And despite all of my preparation I totally bombed out. I forgot half of the dance number, I couldn't seem to come in at the right spot for my song - it was a disaster. But do I regret auditioning? No. I regret that it went so horribly bad, but I don't regret trying. And despite how embarassed I was by the whole thing I know that had I chickened out and not auditioned I would have regretted it even more. And I would have always wondered, could it have been me up on that stage?
This got me thinking about how I would feel if I were in the beginning stages of menopause having never even tried to have a child. The overwhelming feeling was one of regret. Painful, absolutely whole-hearted regret. A feeling far worse than my fears about single motherhood. And suddenly my mind was made up. I am now 100% sure that if no man comes along then SMC is the path for me. Of course my fears about single motherhood are still floating around my head, but they don't speak near as loudly as my fear of never trying.
I guess this means I've officially graduated to the Planning stage. Now I have to decide what age would be best to start trying...
When I started down this Thinking path I was probably 85-90% sure I would eventually move to the Trying stage if I found myself still single by a certain time. But that small percentage lingered in the back of my mind, making me wonder if my fears about single motherhood would cause me to chicken out. So over the past several months I have pondered that small percentage, looking at it from every angle. Exploring in my mind what it might be like if I chose to live child-free. Asking myself how far I'm willing to go with this dream of mine, what I feel I can honestly cope with, and what I will need before I can be sure I am ready to move to the Trying stage. But most of all I wanted to be 100% sure that I am choosing the right path if I should find myself still single sometime in the future.
So, it was during these musings that I got to thinking about the time I auditioned for a musical my local community theater was doing. It was a musical I had always dreamed about being in and I started practicing for the audition three months in advance!!
When the time came I was one of about 60 other people (a large number for my small town) to audition for this play. And despite all of my preparation I totally bombed out. I forgot half of the dance number, I couldn't seem to come in at the right spot for my song - it was a disaster. But do I regret auditioning? No. I regret that it went so horribly bad, but I don't regret trying. And despite how embarassed I was by the whole thing I know that had I chickened out and not auditioned I would have regretted it even more. And I would have always wondered, could it have been me up on that stage?
This got me thinking about how I would feel if I were in the beginning stages of menopause having never even tried to have a child. The overwhelming feeling was one of regret. Painful, absolutely whole-hearted regret. A feeling far worse than my fears about single motherhood. And suddenly my mind was made up. I am now 100% sure that if no man comes along then SMC is the path for me. Of course my fears about single motherhood are still floating around my head, but they don't speak near as loudly as my fear of never trying.
I guess this means I've officially graduated to the Planning stage. Now I have to decide what age would be best to start trying...
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Some Goals For 2012
I'm so excited about 2012. I have a feeling it is going to bring good things! I'm also relishing the chance to start over fresh and cross more things off my To Do list than I did in 2011. So here are some of my goals for the year:
- Go outside more - Brand new camping equipment? Check. The Great Outdoors? Check. What am I waiting for?
- Get a less stressful, higher paying job
- Get rid of my muffin top and get more exercise in general - What can I say? I like carbs and sugar and cheese and I'd rather be eating them than working them off
- Finish my scrapbooks
- Pare down my hobbies - anyone need any unused/slightly used knitting, crocheting, and beading supplies?
- Start drawing again
- Blog more
Friday, December 16, 2011
Babies Are Still on the Brain
As you can see I haven't continued with my "What if?" list. It seems constantly talking about every little thing that could possibly go wrong was bringing me down and contributing to my depressed mood a few months ago. I am all for being prepared for the worst case scenarios but at the same time I don't want to dwell on them.
And while the subject of babies has not graced this blog in a while, the topic is never far from my mind. Not a day goes by when I don't think about my plans and the mountains I must climb before I can put them in motion.
Also, I seem to be in a mourning-the-dream phase again. These feelings come and go but with a friend getting engaged a couple days ago, reading a book with a seriously crush-worthy character, and the holidays just around the corner, the dream of finding a boyfriend has been worse than ever lately. Almost bad enough to make me want to get back on dating websites...not that I have time right now.
And while the subject of babies has not graced this blog in a while, the topic is never far from my mind. Not a day goes by when I don't think about my plans and the mountains I must climb before I can put them in motion.
Also, I seem to be in a mourning-the-dream phase again. These feelings come and go but with a friend getting engaged a couple days ago, reading a book with a seriously crush-worthy character, and the holidays just around the corner, the dream of finding a boyfriend has been worse than ever lately. Almost bad enough to make me want to get back on dating websites...not that I have time right now.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
The Story Continues
I wanted the previous post to be all about Miss Priss since it was a tribute to her, but there is another part to the story. The part of Ghost Kitty.
No, I'm not talking about Miss Priss come back from the grave, this cat is very much alive.
"He" showed up a few days after Miss Priss. (I say "he" because we're only guessing on the gender)
A tiny kitten stealing her leftovers. Sometimes she didn't care, sometimes she would chase him. When scared he would slip under our freight door, left partially open in the summertime, and hide in the store's basement. Sometimes we would catch a flash of white when we went to the basement and we knew he was down there. But his using the floor as a litterbox put an end to us keeping the freight door open.
Still, he kept coming back for leftovers, scavenging what he could and never letting anyone get too close.
J told me one time that he tried to follow the kitten as it ran to the neighboring building but by the time J got around the freight ramp the cat had disappeared.
A few days later the little kitten was again on the other side of the freight ramp. I happened to be leaving work and J was outside with me. J kept the kitten's attention on him while I crept slowly around the ramp. But before I could get to the other side the kitten noticed me and took off running. This time, though, I was close enough to see him go up the stairs of the building next door. So J and I followed him up the stairs to the roof area where the two buildings are joined, but we could see no sign of him. We looked in every possible hiding spot while keeping an eye on the stairs which were the only means of egress. No luck, it was as though he had disappeared entirely. Thus earning him the nickname of Ghost Kitty.
But when we exited the roof and were back on ground level there was his little kitten face peeking at us from the top of the stairs. Somehow, somewhere he was hiding on the roof.
The next time we were presented with a chance to follow him we did, even Miss Priss came searching with us this time and delighted in checking out the roof. And this time J solved the mystery. You see, there's a thin branch of tree that extends near to the roof from the front of our building. After scouring the entire roof J was sure that Ghost Kitty had climbed into the tree so we exited the roof and went around the front of the building and there was the tiny kitten huddled high up in the tree watching us warily.
I didn't see much of Ghost Kitty after that but J assured me he was still around, though wary as ever. And when Miss Priss died and there were no longer cat food cans outside to scavenge I thought we had seen the last of him, until one day in early November J saw him on the back porch looking for food. J put a can out and the next day it was licked clean, so he put another can out. It too was emptied. Pretty soon Ghost Kitty started to show up for regular evening feedings. And not long after J cut a hole in a large cardboard box, filled it with padding, put some reinforcement on the outside and set it up under the porch just in case Ghost Kitty needed it. And we think he uses it sometimes to get out of the cold and while he's waiting for food.
Now, with his regular feedings he has grown from a kitten to a full-grown cat, though he's not more than a year old. He even meows at us now when he's hungry in short high-pitched bursts all stringed together. But he is not tame. He runs away whenever we go to put the food out. No one can get closer than six feet before he runs away, though we are all very calm around him and don't make any sudden moves in his direction. Still he remains wary and unsure, almost feral. He is nowhere close to being the store kitty that Miss Priss was, but I find myself looking forward to closing time even more now so I can peek at him from behind the window.
And I wouldn't be surprised if "he" showed up one day with kittens in tow.
I wish I could get better pictures of him, but these were taken through a window with the porch light as the only source of light. Plus my camera is old and gets very grainy when I have to zoom.
No, I'm not talking about Miss Priss come back from the grave, this cat is very much alive.
"He" showed up a few days after Miss Priss. (I say "he" because we're only guessing on the gender)
A tiny kitten stealing her leftovers. Sometimes she didn't care, sometimes she would chase him. When scared he would slip under our freight door, left partially open in the summertime, and hide in the store's basement. Sometimes we would catch a flash of white when we went to the basement and we knew he was down there. But his using the floor as a litterbox put an end to us keeping the freight door open.
Still, he kept coming back for leftovers, scavenging what he could and never letting anyone get too close.
J told me one time that he tried to follow the kitten as it ran to the neighboring building but by the time J got around the freight ramp the cat had disappeared.
A few days later the little kitten was again on the other side of the freight ramp. I happened to be leaving work and J was outside with me. J kept the kitten's attention on him while I crept slowly around the ramp. But before I could get to the other side the kitten noticed me and took off running. This time, though, I was close enough to see him go up the stairs of the building next door. So J and I followed him up the stairs to the roof area where the two buildings are joined, but we could see no sign of him. We looked in every possible hiding spot while keeping an eye on the stairs which were the only means of egress. No luck, it was as though he had disappeared entirely. Thus earning him the nickname of Ghost Kitty.
But when we exited the roof and were back on ground level there was his little kitten face peeking at us from the top of the stairs. Somehow, somewhere he was hiding on the roof.
The next time we were presented with a chance to follow him we did, even Miss Priss came searching with us this time and delighted in checking out the roof. And this time J solved the mystery. You see, there's a thin branch of tree that extends near to the roof from the front of our building. After scouring the entire roof J was sure that Ghost Kitty had climbed into the tree so we exited the roof and went around the front of the building and there was the tiny kitten huddled high up in the tree watching us warily.
I didn't see much of Ghost Kitty after that but J assured me he was still around, though wary as ever. And when Miss Priss died and there were no longer cat food cans outside to scavenge I thought we had seen the last of him, until one day in early November J saw him on the back porch looking for food. J put a can out and the next day it was licked clean, so he put another can out. It too was emptied. Pretty soon Ghost Kitty started to show up for regular evening feedings. And not long after J cut a hole in a large cardboard box, filled it with padding, put some reinforcement on the outside and set it up under the porch just in case Ghost Kitty needed it. And we think he uses it sometimes to get out of the cold and while he's waiting for food.
Now, with his regular feedings he has grown from a kitten to a full-grown cat, though he's not more than a year old. He even meows at us now when he's hungry in short high-pitched bursts all stringed together. But he is not tame. He runs away whenever we go to put the food out. No one can get closer than six feet before he runs away, though we are all very calm around him and don't make any sudden moves in his direction. Still he remains wary and unsure, almost feral. He is nowhere close to being the store kitty that Miss Priss was, but I find myself looking forward to closing time even more now so I can peek at him from behind the window.
And I wouldn't be surprised if "he" showed up one day with kittens in tow.
I wish I could get better pictures of him, but these were taken through a window with the porch light as the only source of light. Plus my camera is old and gets very grainy when I have to zoom.
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| The markings on his side kind of look like a cartoon cat! |
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| By the food dish |
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| Ready to run at a moment's notice |
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