100%

(Note: I apologize for any weird changes of tense. It's late, I should be in bed, and I'm having a hard time putting my thoughts in writing right now. Also, like another blogger I too seem to be getting a white screen when going to the comment section, but only on certain blogs - anyone know what's up with that?)

When I started down this Thinking path I was probably 85-90% sure I would eventually move to the Trying stage if I found myself still single by a certain time. But that small percentage lingered in the back of my mind, making me wonder if my fears about single motherhood would cause me to chicken out. So over the past several months I have pondered that small percentage, looking at it from every angle. Exploring in my mind what it might be like if I chose to live child-free. Asking myself how far I'm willing to go with this dream of mine, what I feel I can honestly cope with, and what I will need before I can be sure I am ready to move to the Trying stage. But most of all I wanted to be 100% sure that I am choosing the right path if I should find myself still single sometime in the future.

So, it was during these musings that I got to thinking about the time I auditioned for a musical my local community theater was doing. It was a musical I had always dreamed about being in and I started practicing for the audition three months in advance!!
When the time came I was one of about 60 other people (a large number for my small town) to audition for this play. And despite all of my preparation I totally bombed out. I forgot half of the dance number, I couldn't seem to come in at the right spot for my song - it was a disaster. But do I regret auditioning? No. I regret that it went so horribly bad, but I don't regret trying. And despite how embarassed I was by the whole thing I know that had I chickened out and not auditioned I would have regretted it even more. And I would have always wondered, could it have been me up on that stage?

This got me thinking about how I would feel if I were in the beginning stages of menopause having never even tried to have a child. The overwhelming feeling was one of regret. Painful, absolutely whole-hearted regret. A feeling far worse than my fears about single motherhood. And suddenly my mind was made up. I am now 100% sure that if no man comes along then SMC is the path for me. Of course my fears about single motherhood are still floating around my head, but they don't speak near as loudly as my fear of never trying.
I guess this means I've officially graduated to the Planning stage. Now I have to decide what age would be best to start trying...