The New Plan

I have to start off by saying that if my thoughts seem a bit jumbled, it's because they are. I'm just trying to work out what it's like to be a brand-spankin' new blogger. So exciting, yet oddly intimidating at the same time!

As for the new plan, let's start at the very beginning.........

I have always known that I wanted to be a mother. That some day I would like to have a baby or two (or five!). In my baby book my mother has recorded what I said when I came home from my first day of kindergarten. When I strolled through the door my mother asked, "How was it?" to which I replied "It was okay, but I'd rather have a baby." True story. I can still remember saying that.

The yearning to be a mother has never left me. I played with dolls all throughout my childhood, even into the years when most girls started putting away their dolls in favor of make-up and other "grown-up" things. Though I eventually put away the dolls (I believe they are still tucked away in storage), the desire only got worse when I hit puberty, and worse still when girls in my high school got pregnant. (For the record I never wanted to be a teenage mother, but I was still oh so jealous of their bellies and their babies, though definitely not jealous of the reputations they earned, deserved or not).

Then came the nephews and nieces and my desires and hopes grew along with some worries and fears (which I'm sure I will cover in great length at a later date).

So, where was I? Oh yes, The New Plan.

The end of that last crush ushered in my new "relaxed" attitude about dating. As in I will no longer do the asking, instead I will wait to be asked. And I won't even mention how many times I have (not) been asked in the last two years. But this new attitude has had the odd effect of making me feel so much better about myself. I feel like I know myself more. Instead of spending my time chasing and pining after guys I barely know I've been doing things I always wanted to do. I feel happier than I have since my sweet 16!

That's not to say I wouldn't welcome a man of the potential-husband variety. So now we (finally) come to the Plan:

• I will try to maintain an active profile on dating websites, and I will keep an open mind toward potential suitors

In the meantime:

• I will continue to save up for a house
• I will keep looking for a newer, better paying job (both for babies and for said house, and for my own sanity)
• and I will try to work through and plan for the potential pitfalls of becoming an SMC

If all goes well I hope to be able to move from the Thinking stage into the Trying stage sometime in the next three years!