Of Anxiety and Appointment-making

There's nothing like going to the doctor to make you feel judged and like a hypochondriac, even when you have a completely legitimate reason for going.

Does that happen to anyone else? It may be my anxiety around doctor's offices but it feels like everyone from the receptionist, to the nurses, to the doctors, is judging me and secretly thinking I shouldn't be there. When I actually get to an appointment I have to try really hard to emphasize my concerns because my brain likes to take the easy way out and tries to convince me (and the doctors) that nothing is wrong.

So, there's only one RE in my state and their clinic is about 3.5 hours and hundreds of miles away. Fortunately, for everything (except IVF) they have a satellite clinic in a town that is only about 1.5 hours away.

In my family, there is a history of endometriosis and I have some, though not all, of the symptoms. I also have some, though not all, of the symptoms of PCOS.

I figured, rather than waste more money on sperm when there might be a problem, I should at least get checked out so I know if there's anything I'm up against. Also, many SMCs go straight to an RE before they try even one cycle. So, I figured, with two cycles under my belt and my concerns about possible fertility issues, it would be worth it to schedule an appointment. This way, I would also have a history with the clinic should I need to try IUI or IVF in the future.

I have never felt worse about being on this journey as a single person - and that was just scheduling the appointment (or not, but more on that later).

I don't think my state has a particularly high percentage of SMCs, so I'm not surprised if even the RE's office doesn't encounter this situation much, but I didn't realize it would make for such an awkward conversation when just trying to schedule an appointment. I could tell the receptionist didn't exactly know what to say and was kind of stumbling around on what to do with me. It seemed fine that I was asking for an appointment, rather than being referred by a doctor, so I don't think that was the problem. Is wanting to get your fertility evaluated when you're concerned about potential problems just not a thing that is done? Especially if you're single?

(ETA: This clinic's website specifically states that they deal with evaluating and taking steps to overcome fertility issues like PCOS and endo. They also deal with IUIs and fertility procedures, as well as high-risk pregnancies and other things in the realm of a regular OBGyn. So, I don't think my request to be evaluated is what the receptionist was stumbling over, though it's probably not a request that comes up often. Also, the receptionist wasn't mean but she did seem very flustered.)

It would be one thing if I had tried the old-fashioned way for two cycles and hadn't yet conceived - it would at least be free to try that way for six months to a year before getting checked out. But donor sperm is expensive, even when using just one vial per cycle. Trying for even six months is a major expense, especially when there might be a problem.

So, I tried to schedule an appointment. The receptionist told me she would pass on my info to the doctor's nurses who would then call me to schedule the actual appointment. I kept my phone on me all day Friday (something that is inconvenient for me to do at work) but never received a single call. I guess I'll have to keep my phone with me on Monday again as well.

I really hate making doctor's appointments, and I hate going to the doctor, so being in limbo about this appointment is so annoying and discouraging. At this point, anxiety brain has me hoping they forget to call me, but the rest of me recognizes that I do have a legitimate need to be checked out by a doctor, for peace of mind if for nothing else.

In other news, my donor is out of stock at the moment and I was not able to try in November or December.