When my sister had her first kid I wanted nothing more than to have my kids close in age to hers so the cousins could grow up together. My brother also had a kid a year apart from my sister's second baby and it seemed like we could all have kids close in age. But I realized several years ago that I was just so far behind that that was never going to happen.
Eventually I got over the idea, thanks in part to something my mom said. I may have talked about this on the blog before, but when my sister was pregnant with her third kid (my parents' fourth grandchild) my mother was talking to me about my sister's pregnancy and how the baby was due soon and my mom said "it's just not as exciting anymore".
At first I was devastated to hear her say that. It seemed like I would be the only one excited about my own baby if I went ahead with becoming an SMC. However, I know my mom loves babies and I hoped that given enough time between my sister's last kid and my first that it would seem special and new again.
Now the youngest grandchild is six years old and I know my mom misses the babysitting she used to do. I knew she'd be excited if I got pregnant sometime in the next few years. Suddenly I was okay with my kids not being close in age to their cousins.
And then my brother proposed to his girlfriend of one year. They are planning on getting married this May. And while I'm happy that he's happy, his fiancee is not someone I would ever naturally be friends with. Let's just say she and I are diametrically opposed on several topics and she can be a bit rude at times.
Anyway, I know my brother wouldn't mind more kids, he even had a dream they had twins! And with them getting married in May I'm sure it's only a matter of time before there's a little one on the way.
And just like that, if I become an SMC, it'll go back to me being the only one excited about me having a baby. (And becoming an SMC still seems to be the most likely possibility considering things with my boyfriend are just not going that well right now).
I've felt similar feelings. It's not easy. You might be surprised by who will be excited for you. I know I was. Tho that won't make up for your own mom not being excited. Maybe she'll surprise you too.
ReplyDeleteI bet your mom will surprise you! I know mine did. I was worried when my sister announced her 2nd pregnancy when I was trying. My sister has some medical issues that are worse during pregnancy and for her 1st kid, my mom spent at least 1 night a week at my sister's house. I was worried I wouldn't get the support I needed and my mom had said she would give. but it has all worked out - sometimes creatively - my mom taking Elsie to my sister's house to watch all 3 kids etc.. And Elsie loves both her cousins more than anything so i wouldn't trade it all for the world.
ReplyDeleteIt will be different because it's *your* baby. And you'll be very nicely surprised by how happy some of your friends will be for you.
ReplyDeleteOops, hit publish a bit too soon!
DeleteSo believe me, no matter how it feels, you won't be the only one excited. But it does suck to be behind every one else.