As I was dreaming of the future for about the millionth time I began to wonder how I would know, truly know, when the time was right to start trying for a baby. Sure, there are things I want to have in place first like a steady job, my own apartment or house, and some money in savings.
But when I finally have those things, what then?
I remember as a kid whenever my parents would take my siblings and I out for pizza and ice cream, or to the park, we would always have to stop first at the business my parents owned and wait while they did mundane things like paperwork and cleaning.
It got to the point where every time this would happen my siblings and I would shout "worst for first, best for last!!......worst for first, best for last!!"
Somehow this mantra has stuck with me. I seem to want to save all the best things for last so I can always have something to look forward to. I think I'm under the delusion that somehow, once everything else is accomplished, I'll have time to truly savor my most cherished goals.
The flipside, of course, is waiting so long that accomplishing these goals becomes impossible and that would be more heartbreaking by far. So how do I find that happy medium?
What a good question. The waiting too long is a valid worry. Many of us did that. I would suggest trying to accomplish what you consider the most important things but realize that a *lot* of things will take care of themselves. Also, according to most people, there is no really perfect time to have a baby. When you are comfortable with the idea, just jump in. Sending you my best wishes.
ReplyDeleteI had a good paying job, some savings, could have afforded a decent house and felt ready when I started TTC, now I feel I waited too long. Even the day I talked to my doctor I still considered I might find someone and get pregnant naturally. But here I am almost 7 years later kicking myself that I didn't start the process earlier. In this state of nothingness none of the other things seem important anymore anyway and much of that hard saved money is gone.
ReplyDeleteI know I should have started TTC earlier and I figure if I could do it again I'd have started at 35. Maybe even earlier. It may have turned out the same but I maybe not. It's really scary taking the first couple steps but it's also really empowering.
So you asked how to find a happy medium? I would suggest that you mind the least flexible aspect of having a baby which is possibly your body. I would go with science and do it before it gets cost prohibitive or ends up costing your savings.
I agree with the ladies above, and Evelyn puts it perfectly that everything can wait other than your ovaries. So my only advice is don't wait too long since now you may only need an IUI, later it may be IVF or DE which are so much more costly.
ReplyDeleteThere is never the perfect time to have a baby. My advice if you are employed, have health insurance and some savings - go for it.
I agree. I held off because I wanted to travel and see the world. Seriously. And while I had some great trips, I can't help but think how much easier and how much less expensive the last 3-4 years would have been...if only I'd started trying earlier. And I'm one of the lucky ones.
ReplyDeleteThere will never be a perfect time. But there will be a time when it is too late.