Free To Be Me

I've been thinking a lot about the things I want to do before I have a baby and I have to say the list I've come up with is pretty boring.

Besides traveling and the remote possibility of graduate school the only thing I really want before becoming a parent is a little freedom.

The kind of freedom that comes from living on your own and not with your parents.

 And I'm not talking about throwing wild parties or bringing random men home from bars. Those don't appeal to me at all. No, I am talking about the little things.
Like the freedom to do an exercise DVD in the living room where there is actual room to move without interrupting my parents' tv schedule. Or the freedom to have my bathroom be the one that is NOT right off the dining room. Or the freedom to watch HBO tv shows without worrying about my prudish parents coming into my room at the wrong moment. Or the freedom to visit a sperm bank website or to blog on here without having to make sure they can't see my computer screen.
 I could go on and on with these "little" freedoms (I once made a list of them in my head and when it got over forty I lost count), but perhaps you get the point.

I want the freedom to grow and change, to get to know myself better without feeling the need to censor myself in my own home.
I want some time to truly feel like an adult before trying to raise a kid.

A Compromise

First of all, thank you to those who commented on my last post - you gave me a lot of food for thought.

In fact I'm still mulling over your comments and will probably post more on them in other posts, but for now I think I have come up with a plan. I want to feel truly ready for a baby, but I don't want to wait too long so I have come up with a tentative compromise on when to start.

First I am going to try my hardest to complete the goals I call the Big Three (more on them later). If those are completed by age 30 then I will sit back and assess my emotional readiness. If I feel ready I will go for it. If I don't then I will give myself the time I need to get ready - with the idea that I will start no later than age 33. It's sort of a floating plan I guess, and it could easily change depending on a lot of things but I work best with a goal in mind.

So, the three goals I would like to accomplish by the time I turn 30:

1. Pay off my student loan
2. Get a different job or an extra job
3. Get a place of my own - whether it be a house, condo, or apartment

If these goals were done and a doctor told me "you need to start trying NOW" then I feel I could actually do so. If  a doctor said to me tomorrow "you need to start trying" I would be royally screwed. So I guess it's time to get myself in gear and get these accomplished.

A Question of Age

When the SMC idea began to form in my mind I arbitrarily chose age 33 as my target age to start trying. But after more research, and a heaping quantity of excitement, I convinced myself to move my target age up to 30. Now I'm not so sure. I have a lot left to do between now and then and just a little over two years to do it. So I made some lists of the pros of trying at 30 versus waiting.

The pros of Trying young:

• My eggs will be younger, and may be healthier and more viable
• I will have more time to try
• I should have more energy
• There's a higher chance of being able to have a second child
• My parents will be younger
• My child(ren) will be closer in age to cousins
• My grandparents might still be around

The pros of waiting:

• More time to save money
• More time to carve out my independence as an adult before focusing on someone else
• More time to possibly find Mr. Right
• Friends and family are more likely to be supportive
• More established in a career
• More time for travel

If anyone can think of any other pros for either list please let me know!

Call Me Lazy

And the number ten reason why I'm happy I'm single:

10. Shaving

I don't have to shave nearly as often as I would if I had a boyfriend, especially in the winter when no one sees my legs anyway. It saves me much time and hassle (and shaving cream)!

Of course winter is marching to a close and summer will bring back skirts and capris and the end of my reprieve, but for now I'm enjoying my longer stretches of time off.

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Another great advantage to being single:

9. No chance of divorce

Even with the best of outcomes I imagine that shared custody of a child or children would be hard. Birthdays and holidays have to be split. Either with a morning/evening split or a "you get the kids this Christmas, I get them next Christmas" kind of thing. And it seems like some parents try to one-up the other parent in the gift-giving department - almost like a competition to see who can spoil the kids more.
Also, what if your ex decides to get married again and you don't like their new spouse? What if you don't want that person around your children?
And if the divorce isn't amicable then the children are the ones who suffer the most, constantly having their loyalties torn between two people. Hearing one parent bash the other and vice versa. Such a sad situation for all involved.